tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22010728910420608902024-03-04T22:10:49.136-08:0062 Years on the RoadJan ockunzzihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08864328220367820182noreply@blogger.comBlogger104125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201072891042060890.post-34142081642984761062012-02-23T14:42:00.004-08:002012-02-23T15:57:44.008-08:00Feb 2011 to Feb 2012.Someone else wrote it first, but I want to say "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."<br /><br />It has been one year since I last wrote a post for this blog, one swift, short, long, year.<br /><br />I have survived.<br /><br />Next month I will be 65 years old. "62 Years on the Road" may well become "65 Years on the River", because that is where I will be spending much of my time from now on, on the St Lawrence River in upstate New York!<br /><br />First, let me tell you about the past year. This is the first time since Febuary 8, 2011 that I have been inclined to blog. I have been busy and when not busy, tired.<br /><br />Chemotherapy ended last May. I am doing OK. I still get once every three week intravenious infusions of Herceptin to keep the cancer cells from feeding on my hormones and I take a daily pill. My hair is growing back ever sooooooo slowllllllyyy. People tell it looks kind of cute now, but I don't believe them. But it is what it is and there is no length yet for much creativity.<br /><br />In May I bought a boat. A forty foot Egg Harbor Cabin Cruiser. How's that for positive thinking? I bought the boat with Mike, my guy, my boating partner, my life partner, with whom I now live. He knows boating and he is really good at it. I have never owned a boat before, nor did much boating, but I have always loved being on or by the water. On our boat, "The Walrus", is where we will spend half the year. ("I am the Eggman, They are the Eggmen, I am the Walrus" - The Beatles)<br /><br />With the help of my brother, in July we brought the boat from Maryland to the River. It cruised from the Chesapeake, north along the Atlantic, into New York Harbor, up the Hudson, across the Erie Canal, Lake Ontario, finally reaching it's summer home at a marina in Clayton, New York. It was ten adventurous days. Mike memoralized the journey with photos and captions, if anyone is interested.<br /><br />We spent the rest of the summer on the river. We cruised up the Rediu Canal in Canada, visited a few Canadian ports, explored the thousand islands, and enjoyed the small town atmosphere of Clayton.<br /><br />We returned home in October and have been trying to adjust to life, not quite knowing what we ought to consider normal. Mike officially retired from teaching in September although he isn't 62 yet. He spends a lot of days fixing his winter boat, moored here in Gulfport, a 36 foot motor sailer. He enjoys that. sort of thing. I moved into Mike's house and (here I stop to think for quite a while, wondering what to say next........) it is a bit of another adventure. I don't mean living with Mike, that part is easy, he is easy, I mean, it is his house, not mine, and that feels a little peculiar. Although as I just mentioned, he is easy.<br /><br />Our relationship is excellent. We feel lucky lucky lucky to have found each other at this stage of our lives. I especially feel lucky to have found someone who helped me navigate the turbulent waters of last year. And I am not talking about river water. He fed me when I was too tired from Chemo to get up off the couch. He held me in his arms when I cried because my new prematurely born grandson's life was so fragile. To struggle with cancer while worried about the life of one's grandsom was not in my realm of reality, but that was what it was.<br /><br />I thought those months after my divorce were the worse that life could ever hand me. As bad as that was, and it was really bad, last year's cancer and Zachary's premature birth were worse, but I think I handled it better because of the divorce. I had grown. I had gotten stronger. I learned how to get along inspite of disaster, even find a kind of peace (Between tears.)<br /><br />It is hard to put the past year into a few words, these feel so inadequate, but I think I've said enough about it.<br /><br />So today, here I sit, having written as much as I have the stamina to write.<br /><br />I will finish by saying. Zachary is doing well and I couldn't be more grateful. I too, am doing well. Mike and I are happy. Really happy! We go sailing. We go to shows of all kinds. We take little trips and have a big one planned for May, three weeks inTuscany! Then back to the River.<br /><br />As Mike says often, "it's all good."<br /><br />Love and luck to everyone.<br /><br />JanJan ockunzzihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08864328220367820182noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201072891042060890.post-46909074111778054702011-02-08T05:09:00.000-08:002011-02-08T05:48:58.050-08:00Another DayBefore I could even begin writing this, I had to run outside and cut some aloe and smear my chest with it because there is a little rash with a big itch there, really a minor side effect that seems to be greatly eased with aloe. The aloe also is good on the peeling skin on my knuckles? And aside from an energy challenged weekend where ten minutes off the couch required 3 hours on, I continue to do OK with Chemotherapy. Well, there is the mouth thing, kinda raw with <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">nonfunctioning</span> taste buds, which makes eating less than enjoyable when I really need to eat 'cause I am approaching serious under <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">weightedness</span> (?). But I CAN eat and that seems to be better than some poor folks on chemo. So that's about it. Not so bad all in all. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Yadda</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Yadda</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Yadda</span><br /><br />All the other stuff I wanted to really get into, meditation, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">spiritual</span> growth, raw food diet are not going so well, but I haven't given up. As I have said before, time seems to go incredibly fast and before I know it the day is done. I am pretty good at taking a walk each day. That's important to me. So there is THAT.<br /><br />And there is something else I am getting better at. I used to feel like I had to accomplish things each day and I felt driven to do do do, be it home <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">fix up</span> or volunteering to do <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">something</span>, or managing paperwork, or <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">some such</span>, but now I can let a day or two go by without doing much and without feeling bad that I didn't do much of anything productive or long lasting as opposed to just doing <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">something</span> fun or relaxing. This is a good thing for my mental health. It is not being lazy but rather being able to enjoy my leisure or rest periods. It is about not feeling like I have to do something productive to make the day worthwhile. It is about being able to let my body heal as well.<br /><br />Something else that helps me heal are all the kind and encouraging words and cards from seriously excellent folks who have offered to help me. All I have to do is ask. Actually the offers are wonderfully helpful in themselves. Asking may be a challenge, but all the books say ask. I intend to when the time comes. This cancer is no small mountain to overcome and I will take all the help I can get. While there are certain things only I can do, surely there are other things others can do. What's appropriate to ask for help with? Weeding the yard? Cleaning the closet? Preparing raw food to eat? Finding a washer to replace the one that just broke? Sewing curtains? <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Hummmmm</span><br /><br />And for those who wonder. My grandson Zachary is still in the hospital and has yet another infection which means they stop feeding him and cancel the tracheotomy which delays recovery which means the poor little guys must continue his struggle for survival even longer while mommy and daddy struggle with the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">sadness</span> and pain of seeing their lovely little boy deal with a very difficult life. It's a sad sad tough hard terrible time. And there is little we can do to help except pray for him. I pray to whatever God will listen.<br /><br />Pray for him.<br /><br />JanJan ockunzzihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08864328220367820182noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201072891042060890.post-51320029071237254692011-01-26T14:17:00.000-08:002011-01-26T14:36:48.146-08:00Terrible and WonderfulI am having a hard time understanding how my life can be so terrible and so wonderful at the same time. While it seems, the most awful things are happening....my grandson's struggle to breathe, his parents struggle to endure his struggle, and my body's struggle to survive cancer and chemotherapy. All just terrible.<br /><br />But at the same time I feel so much love in my life that I am overwhelmed with how wonderful it is. I have the love of family and friends and one very special man that fill my soul and I can't help thinking that life is as good as it gets. <br /><br />Of course, I hope for Zack's lungs to mature and allow him be home with his Mom and Dad where he belongs and I hope that after three months of treatments I will be declared cancer free and then, my friends, life will be all it should be. A miraculous miracle.<br /><br />All around us there is so much to appreciate. If you are well fed, warm and dry, and have the love of at least one person, be happy and simply enjoy the moon, the trees, the sun, the bees, the people, TV, OJ, AC, hugs, flowers, soft cushions, sleep, apples, lap blankets, pets, children, rocks, rugs, books, songs, snowfalls, rain, paintings, and chocolate. (And the million things I haven't mentioned that are beautiful and comforting, interesting and entertaining.)<br /><br />(You have my love)<br /><br />JanJan ockunzzihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08864328220367820182noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201072891042060890.post-76086430322851085612011-01-23T15:35:00.000-08:002011-01-23T16:02:45.153-08:00Without a compassI was just thinking how my life right now is not like I thought it would be, right now. It is the middle of January and I had planned on being in Washington DC for the birth and homecoming of my grandson, helping the new mother and holding the little child on my chest while he slept, like I did with my other two grandchildren. Instead, Zack was born three months ago and will remain in the hospital for another at least, and them <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">most</span> likely be going home with a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">tracheotomy</span> so he can breath. And I am not in DC helping anybody because I am undergoing chemotherapy treatments for cancer, a scenario which never entered my mind.<br /><br />I am not living in the cute little "Tidewater" cottage I had been envisioning but rather in one of my little apartments where there is barely enough room for me let alone the company I planned to have spend time with me.<br /><br />I thought I might have a "boyfriend" to have dinner with now and then, but instead I have found someone to love and have dinner with every night of the week. Sometimes this realization lieaves me awed and baffled.<br /><br />I was comfortable with my financial situation (finally) but now I stare at unanticipated <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">medical</span> expenses to <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">gnaw</span> at that comfort.<br /><br />Life has a way of setting an unexpected course and leading us down a path that we never imagined finding ourselves on. I know that this happens all the time, but it has always been to "other" people, someone else, while "my" life moved along in a more predictable manner. Now it is my and my loved one's turn to deal with unexpected adversity and I am caught off guard and wondering what to do while passing through. <br /><br />I know it is all temporary, both the good times and the bad. But still...............Jan ockunzzihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08864328220367820182noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201072891042060890.post-31819574889903920012011-01-20T07:03:00.000-08:002011-01-20T07:16:42.589-08:00Well, let's see. So far so good. I have had three chemotherapy <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">treatments</span> and no particularly difficult side effects to deal with (other than the hair loss.)<br /><br />I have walked and drank carrot juice most every day, ate lots of veges, and become more patient and less worried about anything. I thank that is quite good.<br /><br />Time still speeds by at an incredible pace and I don't get done half of what I want to get done, but being more patient and less worried has made it easier to accept that fact. Finding time to read and meditate is my biggest challenge. It's not going too well, but I am working at it.<br /><br />My favorite thing to do is be with people and that is going quite well. My brother and cousin were here for a long weekend and it was just wonderful having them close. I am so thankful they are in my life and take the time to visit little ole me.<br /><br />I don't know if my decision to change doctors was the right one, but I figure that it was for reasons that are not yet clear and may never be clear so I am OK with that.<br /><br />I wish I could be in DC with my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">grandbaby</span> Zack and his Mommy and Daddy. They are going through a worst time than me. Little Zack needs to grow lungs fast so please send him your best lung growing thoughts and I am sure it will help. He has recently passed his original due date, weighing in at about 4 and 1/2 pounds and although he has been in the hospital for three months now, he is not expected to be home for at least another month or more. It is those darn lungs. So again, think Zack, DC, growing lungs and putting on weight, too.<br /><br />Thank-you. I love you. <br /><br />JanJan ockunzzihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08864328220367820182noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201072891042060890.post-14140959649669121892011-01-07T04:26:00.000-08:002011-01-07T04:56:10.841-08:00AnxietyWednesday was a tough day. I went into the doctor's office first thing in the morning and got a pin prick in my finger for a cell blood count (known now as a CBC) which was low and required a shot in my arm to boost bone marrow into producing more white cells. (A $300 shot, ouch, ouch).<br /><br />Just after noon, I went to see a new doctor. Second opinion. My current doctor is leaving her practice sometime very soon and I wanted to make a choice, not just be assigned to someone else. Dr. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Alemar</span> comes highly recommended. I liked him. Decided to change doctors and treatment starting next week. Blood taken from my arm for more counting. B-12 shot in other arm. Poked with four needles in one day!!!<br /><br />All this was followed by much anxiety. Must tell other clinic and doctor I am not coming in for scheduled Chemotherapy next day. Must be prepared for significant additional out of pocket expenses, must wait for new treatment to begin when I am so ready to clobber the hell out of the cancer cells right now. Wondering if I am making right decisions. Must make decisions all by myself based on a whim, intuition, and my minimal knowledge. <br /><br />Didn't sleep much when I know I should get eight hours. More anxiety. Trying to eat enough to put on some weight when time and energy wain. (Note: Raw <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">vege</span> diet is great if you want to lose weight.) Tried to meditate at night when not sleeping. Trying to not have anxiety regarding my inability to meditate. (Which means meditation is causing me anxiety.)<br /><br />When hungry I fix myself a plate of raw cauliflower, snow peas, carrot and celery sticks, green olives, spinach, nits and seeds and a small piece of hormone free, free range, grain fed chicken (for protein.) Yum Yum. Not exactly comfort food. But as I said, I am anxious to clobber the hell out of the cancer cells and apparently this is on the diet to do it.<br /><br />I spent my middle of the night hours reading helpful books and just sitting quietly. This morning there is less anxiety and I feel better about with my decisions.<br /><br />Such is life these days.Jan ockunzzihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08864328220367820182noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201072891042060890.post-41697698024060573622011-01-05T16:51:00.000-08:002011-01-05T17:14:10.741-08:00Love, Time, Money, Cancer, LifeHere is what I know about cancer so far. It takes up a lot of one's time. It also takes up a lot of one's mind. Right now, in one way or another, it is my life.<br /><br />There is the obvious, which is the therapy, which involves a lot of money and some of my time. But more time is taken up with doctor visits, cell blood counts and shots to allow the chemotherapy. Then there is my complementary therapy that I, myself, choose to help rid my body of those nasty cells. My personal belief is that it will help. It involves walking a couple of miles every day, preferably in the sunshine and barefoot part of the time, drinking a lot of water, eating a lot of raw vegetables which are time consuming to prepare, and time for guided imagery or meditation, or relaxation. Also needed is time to read up and learn more about all these therapies. Oh, and then there is time needed to navigate insurance issues and payment plans, foundations and other money issues. Oh and it took me three hours to find a wig to cover my balding head. And talk to people who know things. And blog. I am writing this in a hurry so I can go to sleep.....I need time for that too.<br /><br />Making time is difficult. I now get why cancer patients need help. I though, at the beginning, it wouldn't be so bad, that I could still get things done, I was wrong......again. The apartment is showing signs of neglect.<br /><br />I suppose there are issues for everyone undergoing Chemo (I really hate the sound of that word. They ought to just call it taking IV medication) and there were white blood cell count issues for me that have delayed my IV meds (!) and consequently slowed the whole recovery process down.<br /><br />I just changed doctors. A tough decision, but made. A costly decision too, but made. I am flying by the seat of my pants, at it were, praying that the universe is guiding my decisions because I really don't have a lot of reason for some of the decisions I am making other then it feels like the right way to go. I just have to have faith that I am being guided. I have to have faith too that the doctor is doing the right thing.<br /><br />My hair is falling out. I know that is really a small price to pay for recovery, but it is something strange and unexperienced to deal with. I went out and bought a red wig (my hair has been blond for the last ten years or so and brunette before that.) I thought I might as well go with something different.<br /><br />Time to relax, meditate, or read isn't happening as I hoped it would. But I am still trying to work it in. I am learning and learning and learning and trying and looking to the universe for whatever will direct my journey.<br /><br />And now I really need to sleep.<br /><br />Love, JanJan ockunzzihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08864328220367820182noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201072891042060890.post-75482829735942169632010-12-15T14:21:00.000-08:002010-12-15T15:17:22.310-08:00Back on lineIt has been over five months since my last post. A lot has happened. A lot. So I figured it was time to start writing again and let it all hang out. Some stuff is pleasant stuff and some not so pleasant and some merely neutral.<br /><br />I am still with my guy of six months ago and it was been a very good six months together. We mesh. We laugh. We talk. We cry. We are in love. That's the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">truly</span> pleasant stuff. I feel so lucky we found each other.<br /><br />Secondly, I have finally moved to one of my small apartments and am making it my home. It is good to be away from the old life and old reminders. I have a lot to do to make it home. I rented my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Wabi</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Sabi</span> Gallery to another artist and I am so glad she is there. I like her.<br /><br />I have a new grandson. His name is Zachary and he is in a neonatal intensive care unit having been born three months too soon. He has struggled to live. We love him and pray that he will grow up strong and happy. It has been heart breaking to watch him struggle and heartbreaking to know how hard this is for my daughter and her husband. I pray to whatever God will listen.<br /><br />And the last of the news is that I am struggling with cancer and undergoing chemo therapy. This is very unpleasant. My divorce was difficult for me and I thought that was the worst thing that would ever happen to me. I was wrong. But I think the divorce helped me toward being stronger, braver, and more realistic.<br /><br />I now want to undertake a spiritual journey rather than a road trip. I hope my adversities will lead me to a place where I will find peace and acceptance of life, wherever it may take us.. This is my challenge and my inspiration. Both for Zack and for me.<br /><br />Wish me well.Jan ockunzzihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08864328220367820182noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201072891042060890.post-5273896069763781652010-07-29T10:05:00.001-07:002010-07-29T10:11:59.341-07:00Home again, home again, jiggity jigI left DC at 6:00 AM and arived home in IRB at 8:15 PM. It was a very easy trip home. Traffic flowed continuously, the lights were green, and I felt energized most of the way. It proved to be the fastest trip from DC I ever made. Actually, last year when I made the trip, I stalled North of Atlanta and got home four days after leaving DC, but this year I guess I was ready. This year I have someone waiting for me.Jan ockunzzihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08864328220367820182noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201072891042060890.post-57941578412004098732010-07-27T10:38:00.000-07:002010-07-29T10:04:30.048-07:00Photos from the trip<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMc1hwRyZm8WwnaQRTS19HaR3g74cPa6Fcw7nwYmQGRnEtnwvyPDhmYo5uB8O3QnabXHGT15ydBtvprGSAjRpm1WzTSCMN3roKTrn9WV_O5x5B6p5MZFJLLY4XyAFpbaqVaucS8384lt0g/s1600/2010_07252010julytrip0068.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5498643001328825282" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMc1hwRyZm8WwnaQRTS19HaR3g74cPa6Fcw7nwYmQGRnEtnwvyPDhmYo5uB8O3QnabXHGT15ydBtvprGSAjRpm1WzTSCMN3roKTrn9WV_O5x5B6p5MZFJLLY4XyAFpbaqVaucS8384lt0g/s320/2010_07252010julytrip0068.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtxM3vrNVxrZrO5YKs4ihJoryGtOI8h_bD7k4EVIhxqpyra61PImV06GAYZSORw37hjmN5bNdMy4ORGSi6vbTLypjixaQgsPC3KjlgnY-OTd2sd1tTpdsKlVDyDQPSodKsAvUQVlqZvMjZ/s1600/2010_07252010julytrip0031.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5498642654801233410" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtxM3vrNVxrZrO5YKs4ihJoryGtOI8h_bD7k4EVIhxqpyra61PImV06GAYZSORw37hjmN5bNdMy4ORGSi6vbTLypjixaQgsPC3KjlgnY-OTd2sd1tTpdsKlVDyDQPSodKsAvUQVlqZvMjZ/s320/2010_07252010julytrip0031.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2qg6S7uLA0TI6-KCrgC8QoRIN36wo7zbuEwXnuGMF5CxM7qPmmIQPXbvmAkFPMn8X2zco16intHGK6uNDC8nK-d7_0-dD8Qel30SwkFk-NKbDrmuOvJ86XxrVt-3PCqGFxWB7sNbhU5WA/s1600/2010_07252010julytrip0019.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5498642401861156258" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 150px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2qg6S7uLA0TI6-KCrgC8QoRIN36wo7zbuEwXnuGMF5CxM7qPmmIQPXbvmAkFPMn8X2zco16intHGK6uNDC8nK-d7_0-dD8Qel30SwkFk-NKbDrmuOvJ86XxrVt-3PCqGFxWB7sNbhU5WA/s200/2010_07252010julytrip0019.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinh3oBkDYbx9l47frQLLCxtSJpOeIa-p3CNQ8Gm_TRzd3DUH35wDhLK_3ZMCMQ5f9YmlkeCuYzc8-McdifgPkSHuas1Wy2FcKadrUjmTuOQgrWMnzz3S2sF-euxoK8IBHd5EVLU1yuSekS/s1600/2010_07252010julytrip0015.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5498642222647942706" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinh3oBkDYbx9l47frQLLCxtSJpOeIa-p3CNQ8Gm_TRzd3DUH35wDhLK_3ZMCMQ5f9YmlkeCuYzc8-McdifgPkSHuas1Wy2FcKadrUjmTuOQgrWMnzz3S2sF-euxoK8IBHd5EVLU1yuSekS/s400/2010_07252010julytrip0015.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div></div></div></div></div>Jan ockunzzihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08864328220367820182noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201072891042060890.post-66298996618133812272010-07-27T03:34:00.000-07:002010-07-27T10:36:28.908-07:00AC needed in DC<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikdGpS6HMtvXrkVo2AAPeQ3m2SY-QFB0hydReYTYWWNWqVkemQjKOU_aZASfUzmFoo1jCzcaFvsu4eObYzEvMUvLPri2oYQT09Ndi8tHPN3GUI_67qWw0O2-EzWUoPjWDzCUGXFOWwuoiF/s1600/2010_07252010julytrip0063.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5498641078256236642" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikdGpS6HMtvXrkVo2AAPeQ3m2SY-QFB0hydReYTYWWNWqVkemQjKOU_aZASfUzmFoo1jCzcaFvsu4eObYzEvMUvLPri2oYQT09Ndi8tHPN3GUI_67qWw0O2-EzWUoPjWDzCUGXFOWwuoiF/s400/2010_07252010julytrip0063.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><div><div>Washington DC has had record high temperatures. It has been over 100 degrees in the heat of the afternoon, so I have pretty much stayed in the cool of my daughter's house.<br /><br />This portion of my trip has been a far cry from the rest. I have spent two days behaving like a couch potato, watching TV, eating junk food, reading magazines, playing with Sammy, the cat, and generally doing nothing of consequence. I read that pleasure is not in having nothing to do, but in having lots to do and not doing it. The last two days have been very pleasurable.<br /><br />But let me back up a minute, before coming here, there were a few more days on the river. We spent a night at the Kingston marina.<br /><br />Kingston, Canada was one of those places where I instantly felt comfortable. I liked the place. Nice marina, good restaurants, bagpipes playing, fountains dancing, and a farmer's market. We took a little tour of city hall where a nice lady volunteer with a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Scottish</span> brogue told us about the historic building and how where there is now a lobby there was once a place for horses and carriages to pass through the middle of city hall.<br /><br />We walked some side streets and mused about living in one of the old colonial brick homes with tiny yards and lots of old world character.<br /><br />Our last day on the river was keeping with an eventful theme. We anchored out in a small cove under blue skies intending to relax and spend the night. We swam and ate lunch and THEN.......the sky changed, a slight wind picked up, a few drops of rain and, before you could say "Oh MY God!" we were caught in a raging wind with rain and hail enough to block out everythingin sight except the fast approaching granite rock wall on the shore. Our anchor didn't hold. There was nothing to be done but hang on and cringe when the "crunch" came. Five minutes of fright! A banged prop. Rather than stay the night, we headed home where the electric was out and a few tree limbs downed. It was not the best way to end our three day tour. However we were fine and it's nothing a bit of time and money can't fix.<br /><br />Back in Clayton it was soon time to pack up, say good-bye to the friends, both human and otherwise, and head south.<br /><br />I am not yet halfway home, here in DC. I will take the last two thirds of the trip back starting tomorrow morning. It has been a darn good trip.<br /><br />May you all enjoy your summer as much as I have.<br /><br />.</div></div>Jan ockunzzihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08864328220367820182noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201072891042060890.post-80962083381991623312010-07-20T15:03:00.000-07:002010-07-20T15:24:33.677-07:00Kingstown, CanadaHi,<br /><br />I'm in Canada, docked at a marina right next to downtown Kingstown. I really like this city with it's colonial old homes, farmer's market, historic city hall and sidewalk restaurants. It is one of those places that feels good.<br /><br />Last night we (Milk and I) docked in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Gananoque</span>, CA. Gan is pretty cool too. We ate dinner at a small Inn. White table cloths and all. We met up with Anne, a friend of Mike's, had lunch downtown and took a little tour of Gan. We stopped at the history museum on the waterfront and learned some stuff about this neck of the river.<br /><br />I am loving the St Lawrence experience, the islands, and the many moods of the river.<br /><br />Internet connections have been hit and miss. Following was written a few days ago, but couldn't be posted because there was no <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">WiFi</span> to connect to.<br /><br />Back quite a few days:<br /><br />As much as I enjoyed the family reunion, I hated the after feeling that comes shortly after leaving when I find myself alone again. I missed them all. I shed a few tears for the empty feeling, listened to sad songs, and waited for the bad feelings to be replaced with good ones which <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">didn</span>’t really show up till the next morning. The next morning was a gorgeous trip through the mountains, traffic was low, and the day bright. July 4<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">th</span> actually. Independence Day! I played happy songs and sang alone with abandon. Life is good. I crossed over the river and into Ohio.<br /><br />Beverly, Ohio<br /><br />Dave and Kay’s vintage farm house is a cozy little 1940’s bungalow in need of a lot of TLC. They have projects to keep them busy for many summers to come. In winter they are back in Florida where it’s warm and sunny. I liked the ambiance of the place. For the most part all we heard was the birds singing, crickets chirping, and our own voices. A gravel road leads to the house and there is a “crick” flowing out front and a small meadow, and hillsides full of maple trees. There is no TV, AC or cell phone service and water must be conserved lest the well run dry, but I was able to connect to the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">internet</span> via a neighbor’s <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">WiFi</span>. <br /><br />We took a walk in the big woods, past the pond, and followed a deer path up the hill. The heat of the day and the mosquitoes were bothersome, so we <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">didn</span>’t travel far, and headed back home where even without AC, the house stayed reasonably cool and comfortable. Breakfast out, a little tour of the village and conversation filled the rest of the day. <br /><br />Being out in the country is a nice contrast from the mostly suburban life I lead. <br /><br />I left the next morning for <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Chesterland</span>, Ohio.<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Chesterland</span>, Ohio<br /><br />I am visiting Cousin Stan and Cousin-in-law Pat. I arrived yesterday and immediately joined them in the pool which is tucked in the woods and turned one of the hottest days this year into a very pleasant respite. We left only to have dinner and then returned for the evening to the cool water. It was <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">soooo</span> nice. A hearty breakfast, a ride to somewhere, lunch out, and afternoons in the pool.<br /><br />Then, Macedonia, Ohio and my high school's graduating class' 45<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">th</span> reunion. Last week, I was grandma, the older generation of the family, and this week I was remembering my teenage years, surrounded by my high school chums. How <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">weird</span>. Two nights of back to the '60s. However, it took a while to get used to everyone. I would not have recognized <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">any one's</span> face without a name tag, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">after all</span>, it has been 45 years! Oh my God! Where did the time go?<br /><br />Moving along in time.......<br /> <br />Today, I am staying aboard the Amethyst in slip 538 at the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">Gananoque</span> Marina which is in Canada on the north side of the St. Lawrence. The cruise here was beautiful. I have fallen in love with both the large and tiny islands that make up the 1000. They are outcroppings of stone ranging from barely big enough to build on (but they do) and large enough for a community of some size. <br /><br />The River is the highway connecting the islands. Boats of all kinds provide transportation to stores and unlimited entertainment. The River can change its demeanor and mood quickly, one day being smooth and peaceful and the next rough and commanding. But always, it is enticing.<br /><br />It is hard to imagine this place in winter. It is July here now and people are on sabbatical. River front cottages are full of summer residents, restaurants are busy, and people are swimming and wandering the streets of their community enjoying the warm weather and time away. The marina is quite full with people simply enjoying life. Pretty cool.<br /><br /> I am among them, just enjoying today and really not thinking about life beyond here. This is one reason I haven’t posted in this blog. Blogging can take me back to normal and regular<br /><br />Back to now. <br /><br />Did I say, "Life is good?" Well it is, right now.Jan ockunzzihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08864328220367820182noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201072891042060890.post-4243261973438792852010-07-13T06:54:00.000-07:002010-07-27T10:38:33.732-07:00Clayton, NY<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3avaazfpCDkfX8zXD2Vk0SLflGxDMnisz8jmppTYBo08ZiNDCMCgHzIJeWxuwu6HlVSAnDY_Y0t2mvyvyV_AjN4Z-QiJXPzmH5pxVede4fc1abRGDfNJ5xQZdCAKg4Ed74f9THrmoKfYK/s1600/2010_07252010julytrip0036.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5498641745288946130" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3avaazfpCDkfX8zXD2Vk0SLflGxDMnisz8jmppTYBo08ZiNDCMCgHzIJeWxuwu6HlVSAnDY_Y0t2mvyvyV_AjN4Z-QiJXPzmH5pxVede4fc1abRGDfNJ5xQZdCAKg4Ed74f9THrmoKfYK/s400/2010_07252010julytrip0036.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><div>Life is good.<br /><br />I am lost in a feeling out here on the boat on the river in the 1ooo islands in New York. I'll talk to you later.<br /><br />Jan</div>Jan ockunzzihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08864328220367820182noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201072891042060890.post-84209440635106644562010-07-03T12:46:00.000-07:002010-07-04T05:01:22.549-07:0010, Tenn, together again!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFnL_dY_Dh3qLa08TDFWL_kND1ouON5rZFwj8nQNvAJ9LtSE4r3naRQj_nVGRb1RfD9YjvJKDASmp9ciRjh_22uLm8Bhaj6rEOyIhMgrm2MYZcZgCNsILdkkKfpJImY_LznYiKc1YmgZxi/s1600/2010_0702reunionfamily20100129.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5489839252009040994" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFnL_dY_Dh3qLa08TDFWL_kND1ouON5rZFwj8nQNvAJ9LtSE4r3naRQj_nVGRb1RfD9YjvJKDASmp9ciRjh_22uLm8Bhaj6rEOyIhMgrm2MYZcZgCNsILdkkKfpJImY_LznYiKc1YmgZxi/s400/2010_0702reunionfamily20100129.JPG" border="0" /></a> Our 2010 family reunion in Tennessee was wonderful. By Thursday we had 30 people in attendance sharing two large cabins in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Gatlinburg</span>. <br /><br /><br /><br />This is one terrific family. Even after spending a whole week together, I never heard a cross word or saw crossed eyes. We got along together tremendously well.<br /><br />We kept busy and the week went by quickly.<br /><br />On Tuesday some of us went zip lining. That's where we hung out on wires in the woods and "zipped" from platform to platform. On Wednesday some of us went whitewater rafting on the Pigeon river, and on Thursday, some of us went horseback riding. There was some walking around town and gondola-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">ing</span> up the mountain, and golfing (regular and mini) and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Dollywood</span>, and the aquarium, Arts and Crafts Trail, and last, and probably least, was the Salt and Pepper Shaker Museum. Oh, and water balloon fights and beer drinking, blackberry picking, card playing, and cooking and eating, and lots and lots of talking. So you see, there was no lack of stuff to do.<br /><br />I <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">happily</span> endured sore muscles and a overstuffed stomach. And now am enduring itchy chigger bites, probably from sitting in the grass when the group picture was taken. Getting everyone to together at one time to take that pic was a pretty big challenge too. <br /><br />And when it was over we hugged and planned to get together again, maybe three years from now. But it will probably be more like five as the time just keeps going faster and faster and it will probably take that long to coordinate another gathering. We are <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">thinking</span> a cruise or Wisconsin Dells.<br /><br />Anyway, I spent the night in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Wythewille</span>, VA. I missed everyone while driving here, cried a few tears for the parting, but so happy that we had been together. Life is good and filled with love.<br /><br />JanJan ockunzzihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08864328220367820182noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201072891042060890.post-15073211677658762012010-06-25T04:26:00.000-07:002010-06-25T05:01:34.979-07:00Right NowAt 6:30 AM I hit the road yesterday, driving north. <br /><br />It takes me at least getting out of Florida and then some before my mind settles down. So the first half of yesterday was dealing with uncontrolled thoughts that changed every minute going from an irrelevant intrusion of memories to anticipation of the future and emotions that quickly go from doubt, to joy to fear, to love, to contemplative serious quiet. It amazes me how suddenly they change, in seconds. A song on the radio or nothing at all and a new mood is served up. a Whoop! a tear! a laugh! <br /><br />By afternoon the thinking rush was over and I could relax and enjoy the trip. The traffic was very heavy and a rain storm slowed things a bit and my progress was not as I expected, but it really didn't matter. I was on the road over 11 hours (with stops for peaches and pecans) and was past ready to stop for the day at 6:00 PM. I had a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">surprisingly</span> hard time finding a motel. There just didn't seem to be any during the last slow hour of my drive. I was no longer on the interstate. But here I am somewhere in north Georgia in a very nice Best Western.<br /><br />Life is good today. <br /><br />Coffee, a great shower, a soft king size many pillowed bed, AC, TV, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">WiFi</span>, U! Cool!<br /><br />I am really just trying to learn to enjoy <strong>Right Now</strong>, without interruption from yesterday or tomorrow. Right now is really fine. <br /><br />JanJan ockunzzihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08864328220367820182noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201072891042060890.post-15803838494343910582010-06-22T12:19:00.000-07:002010-06-23T06:26:25.316-07:00The day after tomorrow.The day after tomorrow I will be on the road again. I am planning to be gone about one month this time.<br /><br />I'm ready. The clothes are washed, bills paid, the car's oil changed, the bushes trimmed and someone in place to collect the mail.<br /><br />Reunions are on the itinerary this trip. I will tell you more about those as they occur.<br /><br />At the end of my last big road trip I had been divorced exactly one year. This time it will be exactly two. It's hard to imagine that much time has past, and yet so much has happened that's makes it seem longer. I am having a hard time getting a picture of what is yet to be. In another two years, I will be 65, <span style="font-size:78%;">yikes!</span>, and that's all I know for sure.<br /><br />As I alluded to in the preceeding post, I have met someone very special. I can't begin to figure out why we, why any two, connect, but we do. We just do. Still, I guess I am a bit hesitant about how to proceed and am wondering where the relationship will take us. Right now it's wonderful to have him in my life. My mind, though, is searching for pertinent personal information and past experiences to assist me in this new relationship, so I have some basis to predict and respond, but there are no <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">comparables</span>. Much like the GPS I traveled with last year, my personal navigation system isn't working. I'm just moving forward letting fate and the universe lead the way. I was 22 the last time I started a serious relationship. Starting one at 63 isn't even in the same ballpark. At 22 everything was new. The future stretched out endlessly in front of us. We didn't have much in the way of baggage or preferences. I now have 40 additional years of life's events and and less time before me than behind. I don't know if that means be more careful or be more impulsive! I am trying to get comfortable with not knowing the answer to that.<br /><br />One thing I do know is that someone is thinking especially of me and waiting for me and that makes being gone feel different this time around. And it gives me something to contemplate down the road. And someone to miss.<br /><br />So anyway, here I am now and soon I will be someplace else.<br /><br />Talk to ya when I get there!Jan ockunzzihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08864328220367820182noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201072891042060890.post-38269947704538883432010-06-08T13:41:00.000-07:002010-06-08T16:54:16.835-07:00Free FallingI think my life has taken so many twists and turns throughout the last few years that I am getting dizzy. <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Occasionally</span> I find myself climbing a mountain, and then coasting down only to find a raging river at the bottom and there is nothing I can do but fall in and keep my head above water. It's exhausting! But I have the option of seeing the adventure in it all and rising to the challenge or seeing it as a struggle and getting weary. Let's raise our glasses to the adventure!<br /><br />These days, it's the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Internet</span> dating thing, but I am taking myself out of circulation after only a few months and letting myself <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">free fall</span> into <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">someone's</span> arms. Scarier than a solo trip into the big woods. The potential for personal disaster seems greater, yet...........I keep going.<br /><br />Actually, I've met some cool guys, nice guys along the way. I have been pretty lucky. From the comments of others, I am thinking there are a lot of not so nice people out there. I feel protected somehow, from the game playing, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">weird</span>, possessed, mean spirited, nothing like their online profile types that I hear others complain so much about. The ones who are fifty pounds heavier and twenty years older than their photo suggests. The ones who only want ONE THING. The ones who don't know at all what they want. (Well, I think I may have met one or two of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">those</span>.)<br /><br />Actually, ending a relationship, even a very short lived one is harder than starting one. Actually, it quickly makes starting harder, at least for me, it does.<br /><br />And so it seems that my adventure movie has turned into a romantic chick flick. I can't go into details just yet, but I will try to keep you posted.<br /><br />Love ya, JanJan ockunzzihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08864328220367820182noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201072891042060890.post-21289991391267581592010-05-28T06:21:00.000-07:002010-05-28T07:07:34.249-07:00I can't keep up!It has been almost two months since I've posted in this blog. I have been busy. Actually not THAT busy, but somehow two months has passed with a few blinks of my eyes. I can't keep up.<br /><br />The biggest thing going on, and it has been an adventure at least as good as a three month road trip, is meeting a few nice guys. After forty (gasp) years, I am dating once again.<br /><br />I have this urge to have a "blast while I last," as my younger brother is fond of saying. It has created a few changes in my life style. I find myself coloring my nails, shaving my legs more often, using more expensive lotions (the kind that are supposed to soften the signs of aging!), getting a little sun, even though I know the sun is not supposed to be good for me I look better with a little tan on my arms and legs, and I am trying out Crest white strips. I am considering perfume, something I haven't used over the years, happy to just smell clean and fresh. In other words, dating is time consuming not even counting the actually date itself!<br /><br />I've met nice people. I have heard stories from others of people showing up much heavier and older than expected or nothing like their online profile. (we are talking about internet dating here.) That hasn't happen to me. Everyone looked good and all conversations were quite enjoyable. I don't know what is down the dating road, so I am not even going to do any serious thinking about it. No analyzing. No particular expectations. Just enjoying the journey to new feelings and places.<br /><br />And speaking of the road.I will be back on the highway next month and heading north. I am ready. Being gone will give me time once again to have serious conversations with me, myself and I. They are pretty good listeners and I could use some reflection and advice. I will not have any dates for a while! I will be attending a family reunion in Tennessee and then a 45th class reunion in Ohio and then head to the 1000 islands in NY before turning around south again.<br /><br />I will be back to write more soon, but I just wanted to keep in touch.<br /><br />JanJan ockunzzihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08864328220367820182noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201072891042060890.post-26302446403304363442010-04-29T11:15:00.001-07:002010-04-29T11:57:56.706-07:00It's a dateIt is almost May 1. Oh Oh! Would have been our 41 anniversary, had we stayed married. It is funny how something, in this case a date on the calendar, can bring back one of those memories I would rather forget. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Tsk</span>! <br /><br />Speaking of dates. I have had a couple, thanks to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">eharmony</span>! And a few phone conversations and some emailing. Putting oneself out there is hard. I am learning.<br /><br />After a short while and some <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">eharmony</span> essay reading, I am finding that I need to update my wardrobe. My current clothes are fine for a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">barbecue</span> with old friends but wrong for a date with a fellow. I have started painting my finger nails. I am considering perfumes. I have been more of the outdoor sporty type of gal before and I am trying to be a little more feminine and dare I say sexy, even if I am 63. And although I want to be myself, surely there is some flirty somebody hidden inside. Not to mention passion. A few changes in my old habits is welcoming, and I am enjoying making them and hoping to also make a better first impression, and oh, did I mention I even bought high heels and a dress, something I gave up a few years back.<br /><br />Life continues to be an adventure with new roads before me all the time. There are setbacks of course, bumps, and poor signage, but I seem to be heading in the right direction, at least it seems that way.<br /><br />So other than romance on my mind, I am enjoying the heat wave that finally settled into Florida bringing the sun and blue skies. As you know, this past winter was long and chilly. City events and activities have been plentiful and I have enjoyed volunteering, be it selling beer and wine or painting a rain barrel to be raffled off. Being single, I make the effort to attend these events just to be surrounded by all the terrific people who live in this town. This is a good place to be single.<br /><br />Last week I went away with my friend, Donna. We went on a road trip to Savannah where we walked for hours following a self-guided tour booklet. We inhaled the southern smells of jasmine, savored fried green tomatoes, oysters, and beer, admired the huge overhanging oaks festooned with Spanish moss, and read all the historical markers in the squares of Savannah. We also walked Beaufort, SC, and spent a night on St. <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Simon's</span> Island, both charming. We, throwing off any thoughts of healthy eating, started the trip with a stop at the Dairy Queen for a soft ice cream cone (which, being from Ohio, we both call frozen custard) and we ended with a cone on the long way home. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Ahhhh</span>. I think our getaway smiles will last for a while.<br /><br />Next week I will head to Seattle to see the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">grand babies</span>. I can't wait.<br /><br />JanJan ockunzzihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08864328220367820182noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201072891042060890.post-67602109830935240242010-04-03T06:08:00.001-07:002010-04-03T17:21:22.746-07:00Just checking in.I just wanted to let my you know that I am OK.<br /><br />It has been a while since I've written. I can only attribute that to being too busy and being too lazy, and while that may seem like a contradictory statement, I can assure you it can be so.<br /><br />While I am not currently traveling, although I will be soon, I have embarked on a new adventure of a different sort. I am getting out there in another way, taking advantage of my single status and looking to meet someone I can share a "romantic" dinner and wine with. My picture in on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">eharmony</span>.com. and while several million other people are seen there too, for me, it is a new adventure. I have no experience in the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">internet</span> singles meeting singles arena, but, on a whim, I signed up.<br /><br />So lest you wonder, I will tell you about my first meeting. It was absolutely wonderful. It was my first "date" in 40 years, if you don't count dinner out with a husband, and I'm not. All I was expecting was a pleasant distraction for an hour or two. I got much more. I met someone who was able to bring out long dormant feelings and lightly touch my soul. He has a way about him. I don't know where this new road will lead, but like my last big trip, it's the journey, the glory of the ride, not the destination that's important. Not a bad start on a new adventure.<br /><br />And<br /><br />Finally, the air is warming and the sun is shining and I can breathe easier. The cold spell has broken. The chilly weather made life a little difficult here in my home office, which, with it's high ceiling, is not suitable for cold. The heat rises where I can't get at it. Maybe I can blame it for not having written or painted much in the last few months. Cold makes me uptight.<br /><br />Anyway, I just wanted to say hi again. I still haven't thought of a new name for a new blog, now that I'm not 62 anymore. I will think about it . . . . . tomorrow.<br /><br />Love ya,<br />JanJan ockunzzihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08864328220367820182noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201072891042060890.post-46626546128231650642010-03-01T07:16:00.000-08:002010-03-10T11:41:35.024-08:00Life 101I have posted 100 times in this blog, "62 Years on the Road." This will be 101 and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">coincidentally</span>, this month I turn 63!<br /><br />I will probably need a new title to work with. Something like "63 to 64," or "Beyond 62," or maybe simply " 63 in 2010." I'll work on it.<br /><br />Cold weather is <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">getting</span> me down. I never liked the cold when I lived up north and I still don't do well with it. It makes me crabby and tense and I find it hard to get any real work done.<br /><br />So with that said, let me say this.<br /><br />One nice thing about this blog is that I can be crabby, write about some stupid complaint and wine about whatever I want, feel like I told the world, then highlight and delete! It is like ranting and raving without the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">consequence</span> of retribution. I can say *(^#*/!... and ain't he */(^#! and aren't they______ and just #Gr!*8;?ETC.......DELETE! What fun!!! So there, I feel better.<br /><br />Marcus Aurelius said "If you are distressed by anything, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it and this you have the power to revoke at any minute." And he didn't even have a "delete" button.<br /><br />Attitude is everything!<br /><br />So I hate to think about yesterday when I let pesky people bother me. For a little while I got caught up in local politics, I took a stand and felt intimidated to back down, and I did, a little, and I hate to say it, but I also gossiped, just a bit, and I am mad at myself for doing it, although it wasn't really hurtful gossip, but still. Sometimes behaving human frustrates me. I would rather think I am above petty annoyances and confident of myself, and not care what people think of me, but sometimes I'm not, I'm not, and I do.<br /><br />Today, my little world is better simply because I think it's better. Cool huh? To whatever extent we can, we get to choose an illusion that appeals to our current temperament, then live it and be happy. So here I am living comfortably in my funky eclectic office gallery studio close to the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">glorious</span> Gulf, with plans to meet friends for breakfast and dinner and get a haircut in between. I am writing in this blog feeling quite cozy while sitting in bed this morning with a hot cup of coffee beside me and frankly, in spite of a bad economy, in spite of a faulty weather system, in spite of pesky people, and in spite of...... well there is no other "in spite of," I am pretty happy with "things." I wouldn't mind a few million in the bank, but hey, life is good just the same. And it is getting even better as I write!!!<br /><br />Choose warm happy thoughts! Remember you are loved.<br /><br />So far, I haven't found a tenant so that I can move and reduce chance of the close encounters. That was another resolution, to move. The sign is up, the place is listed. Patience.<br /><br />I met another cool person yesterday. She's quite an accomplished artist, earning money as a nurse, getting married on the beach in two weeks and so interesting to talk to. Very creative, she has a website, and great ideas and enthusiam. We're having lunch Thursday.<br /><br />I seem to meet terrific people everywhere I turn.Jan ockunzzihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08864328220367820182noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201072891042060890.post-80771493629154029272010-02-28T03:58:00.000-08:002010-03-01T07:15:27.536-08:00Good Morning, Afternoon, or Evening!Today is the last morning of February, 2010.<br /><br />At 6:00 AM. I glanced out my window and saw a big golden full moon not to high in the western sky. The sun wouldn't be seen for at least a half hour. I thought I might be lucky enough to see my second moonset. I put on my woollies, filled an insulated cup with hot coffee and headed out to the beach.<br /><br />I walked north while the moon slowly dropped toward the Gulf. The eastern sky had ever so slight a hint that the sun was working its way up. As I walked I sensed a race between the two. Would the sun come up before the moon reached the horizon and cast enough light to obscure the setting moon from my view? I got a feeling that time was irrelevant for a while. It was both day and night all rolled into one. It was beautiful. The moon was a bright ball in the west above the Gulf, just like the sun gets when it sets in the evening.<br /><br />It looked like the moon would get to melt into the water before the sun was high enough. I felt so lucky. Then, Oh No! Unexpectedly, the moon only fifteen feet above the water (or so it seemed), suddenly got flat on the bottom. Oh No! It was slipping into a slice in the sky and disappearing. I couldn't see any clouds, but the moon was now only half a moon, then only the top quarter of it could be seen and I was so disappointed. And just when it was about to disappear all together, the bottom of it slipped out from another slice and it caught my breath. There was still enough sky at the horizon for whole moon to sit. Maybe! It was still dark enough, although barely. The eastern sky was beginning to get pink. I held my breath. There it was...the bottom half of the moon! Moving toward the water. Then... another shadow, another cloud, the moon once again getting flat on the bottom but not yet at the water line. At one point the moon was a rectangle in the sky before it disappeared completely no more than a foot above the horizon. Drat! I didn't get to see it set into the Gulf. Double drat!<br /><br />As I walked home a very bright yellow sun popped up. Another day had begun. It was 6:40AM.<br /><br />Although living alone has it definite advantages, one of the disadvantages is that when something interesting happens, like almost experiencing my second moonset, there is no one to tell. By the time I got this computer up and running, the awesome feeling I had of being out on the dark beach watching the sun and moon vie for the sky was waining a little. I thought I'd gotten lucky and then it was over. But all in all, it was a great way to start the day. It's seven:19 on a lovely morning. 50 degrees. Light blue sky. I hope your day will be, is, or has been fantastic. Mine is looking good.Jan ockunzzihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08864328220367820182noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201072891042060890.post-73075934718444702362010-02-24T16:50:00.000-08:002010-02-24T17:50:51.408-08:00Twenty ten twice!Two months into 2010.....already! TWO MONTHS GONE. Yikes! I have so many things I want to do this year. So here's an idea I have. When January 1, 2011 comes along, let's all pretend that it is 2010 (again) and make 2010 two years long. We could then maybe have time to actually get something done this year. I bet most people would go along. We have ten months to think about it.<br /><br />Besides much of this year has been lost due to the weather, and that seems to be the case no matter where you live in continental USA. The cold has made us sluggish. It has confused us. We are off kilter. How can we ever be expected to accomplish anything while hunched and huddled trying to keep warm.<br /><br />While traveling last summer, I had hoped to have chance encounters with cool people, but it really didn't happen in any significant memorable way. But yesterday right here in my own backyard (a figure of speech), a gal stopped into my gallery and we got to talking. While I was traveling last summer so was she, touring the USA by herself, camping and staying <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">occasionally</span> in hotels. We had been to many of the same places doing many of the same things, each of us by ourselves. Any new subject raised in our conversation came with smile and a seriously shared understanding. We were so much alike it was spooky and wonderful. I felt like I'd met a younger me. She is in her mid forties. She had been recently laid off from a long time job and took the opportunity to travel. I was recently divorced taking the same opportunity. I hope we can get together again and share wine and stories. (She mentioned that when she <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">was on</span> the road and in a new place and feeling lonely, she had to put herself out there to meet people. You know, walk up and say 'Hi." I gave her my number. I hope she calls and says "Hi.")<br /><br />Often in life, we get what we ask for, but it happens a bit differently than we expected it to. I think its true that our thoughts become the things and events in our lives. Ask, believe and be patience. Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be.<br /><br />Which leads me to thinking about 2010 again. I better get busy.Jan ockunzzihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08864328220367820182noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201072891042060890.post-41207112521912637672010-01-29T06:04:00.000-08:002010-01-29T07:20:55.575-08:00Click!Today I feel immense, powerful, happy, oriented. I would take the last brownie off the plate because I feel I deserve it as much as anyone. I feel that good.<br /><br />There is no particular reason for this feeling. I haven't won the lottery (although, I bought a ticket last week just for fun and was hopeful), nor have I found a tenant or publisher. Really nothing has changed except my feelings. This is one of those good days.<br /><br />Actually yesterday wasn't bad either. I'm on a roll here.<br /><br />I felt something change the day before yesterday. A click into place. I've heard that click (snap)before and it's a good sound. It means something has been secured in my emotional self, something has been positively resolved, and it will be lasting. I love that click. I am sure it has to do with my good feeling. <br /><br />That's all.Jan ockunzzihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08864328220367820182noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201072891042060890.post-45393719403965821812010-01-27T11:24:00.000-08:002010-01-28T06:27:56.462-08:00Hi, I haven't talked to you for a while. So it is nice to "see" you again.<br /><br />It's almost the end of January and so far I have bombed big time on New Year's resolution #2. It isn't that I don't try or that I forget. It's just that my brain does its own thing. My brain seems to tell <em>me</em> what to think about, rather than<em> me</em> telling my brain what to think about. Very peculiar. And frustrating. It's like when people worry constantly even when it is obvious that worrying ruins the present moment and does nothing to improve the future! They worry anyway. The reality of my situation is that I was married for 39 years (twice as long as not married) and I haven't yet quite been able to push it out of my head and stop caring. Love and hurt don't subside easily for me. (Help! I'm being held prisoner by my past and my mind!)<br /><br />I'm experimenting with meditation to overcome this troublesome situation, quiet my mind, and gain some sort of control over my thoughts. If you have never tried to meditate, you can't appreciate how the mind, when you want it to be still, becomes a fast talking news commentator/analyst/mother that doesn't need to breathe. In other words, the opposite of quiet. Wish me luck.<br /><br />All this thinking of "you know what" has caused me to escalate resolution #5. Move. Out of sight! Out of mind! Yeah, I know I should have probably done this sooner, but I didn't. Add it to the long list of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">shoulda's</span>, a list I need to set afloat in the Gulf of Mexico on the outgoing tide.<br /><br />One problem has been this ridiculous cold weather. I have never done well in the cold. It makes me pace around, with my arms crossed over my chest and my shoulders hunched, in an attempt to keep warm. I don't think well when I make myself small like that. But I'm not sitting around either. I had out of town cousin company for a week and that was really swell. I have pulled together income tax info, painted furniture, written, cleaned and gone places. I'm busy, and.....<br /><br />It's been good. I have had moments, really good moments. I have also, on occasion, been everywhere else I possibly can go emotionally. My life is such as it is right now. But better every single day. I have heard it said that as long as we are faced in the right direction, all we have to do is keep moving and we will eventually get THERE. I intend to keep moving.<br /><br />A "For Rent" sign will be erected soon which needs to get results before resolution #5 becomes an option. But I am making plans for the move just the same, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">albeit</span> very flexible plans. Plans that don't include when and where! Or for that matter, how! Believe it or not, plans can be made without that information.<br /><br />Interesting people have stopped in the gallery lately adding to my daily enjoyment of life. I love chance encounters with cool people. I seek them out....or sometimes they must seek me out. Yesterday a 17 year old girl with a bit of a punk style about her stopped in. She is working on her GED, trying to get a job so she can stay in town when her Mom moves somewhere else. But about the time I figured she had herself pretty much together (for a 17 year old), she told me she had spent the last six weeks camping with her abusive older boyfriend, a trip that ended with a call to the police and the arrest of her boyfriend. I think 17 is tougher than 62.<br /><br />I also had a Pennsylvania interior decorator who helps people with color issues stop in. She bought some of my art stuff so I was flattered. I also talked with a published poet, The Doctor in the Night (who also happens to be a cardiologist) and folks who live with bears and leopards on the upper <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">peninsula</span> of Michigan. These have all been excellent people to meet. Be it known that I would still love to have a chance encounter with a handsome, pleasant, 60 something, financially stable single man.<br /><br />This is about as close to renewing my blogging efforts as I can get at the moment. Time moves fast and it's impossible for me to keep up. But, you know, I feel pretty good about life. Between getting up in the morning and going to bed at night, I pretty much do what I want. Not bad.<br /><br />Take care of you. You're cool!Jan ockunzzihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08864328220367820182noreply@blogger.com0