Following the Interstate Home

I have not really thought through this dialog but I am going to publish it because this may or may not be my last blog posted before I get home. And I leave here in the morning.

So where the heck did the time go?!!! I’ve made a really big circle around our country. Can it be over so soon? I want a do over!

I can feel the pull of mountain streams, winding roads, and smooth red rocks calling me back. Still, I’m resisting the urge and heading south for palm trees and sandy beaches. (It doesn’t sound too bad when I put it that way.)

I cannot leave the places I have been altogether behind me. The amazing sights I have seen and the terrific people I have visited are unwilling to be ignored or forgotten by this brain of mine. This blog has helped me find my voice and I speak with enthusiasm of all I have seen and done.

I have had little time along the way to process or make sense of anything that was or is. I haven’t had the time to sort, delete, format, or edit. Not with any degree of skill, anyway. There has barely been enough time to view, collect data and file. Perhaps at home I can process and plan. And perhaps figure out, “now what?”

I have been pretty upbeat for most of my 6000+ mile road trip. There were, as you know, a few slips of confidence and gloomy moments. And occasionally I exhausted myself being me trying to recover my misplaced state of mind. But in spite of all or, because of all, I have to agree with the T-shirts that say “Life is good!”

Sometimes I believe in fate, that what is supposed to happen happens somehow. But other times, I think that things just happen. I took a few roads less traveled and when I came to a fork, I sometimes decided on a whim which way to go. I responded to cosmic nudges to turn here, stop there, and keep driving. Unfortunately, I haven’t found inspirational direction, or stumbled over a pot of gold, or met my soul mate. Not even a meaningful bond with a stranger. I have been propelled by circumstance toward nothing in particular at all, or so it seems. (Of course, I am not actually home just yet!) (And I haven’t digested the whole of the experience, yet.)

Would it be easier returning home if home were farther away from my ex-husband and my ex-life? Probably. So I will have decisions to make.

On the plus, however, in that same little town, there are other people, my people! My friends, and soon to be my friends. And all those I have spent time with along the way, on the road, and on the Internet. And they have been with me, helping me keep my head above water, helping me find my own road. I may have started this road trip seemingly alone, but I have been lucky enough to find friendship and conversation with special people along the way. When friends respond to my words with understanding and encouragement it is like a finding a warm place in the sun on a cold day. That has been the best part and that is saying a lot because I have been in some incredibly stunning places.

I need to think about those lifestyles I have experienced, the homes I shared, the places I have seen. I have been around enough to know that IRB is a good place to live, but there is more to life than finding a place. Although I don’t quite know what I am talking about here. Rambling again.

The sky has been overcast with gray clouds hanging low. The weather is less happy today. I overshot the sun. Maybe I stayed too long in one place, moved too slowly, or maybe a cloud has been hanging over home (I hear it has been raining a lot there) and as I get closer, there it is.

Anyway, I’ll be home soon.

I will blog until I get where I need to be emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, find a place in my head that feels right. Set my sails for my next thirty years.

The middle of August I will head for Boston to be with some old high school girl friends, all three of who I have visited along the way on this trip. I now know them in their natural habitat and I hope that will add to knowing them out of it too. Maybe they will help me sort, delete, edit and compose. I am so glad I get to go so soon after I arrive. Going home is hard!

Really hard!