Wednesday was a tough day. I went into the doctor's office first thing in the morning and got a pin prick in my finger for a cell blood count (known now as a CBC) which was low and required a shot in my arm to boost bone marrow into producing more white cells. (A $300 shot, ouch, ouch).
Just after noon, I went to see a new doctor. Second opinion. My current doctor is leaving her practice sometime very soon and I wanted to make a choice, not just be assigned to someone else. Dr. Alemar comes highly recommended. I liked him. Decided to change doctors and treatment starting next week. Blood taken from my arm for more counting. B-12 shot in other arm. Poked with four needles in one day!!!
All this was followed by much anxiety. Must tell other clinic and doctor I am not coming in for scheduled Chemotherapy next day. Must be prepared for significant additional out of pocket expenses, must wait for new treatment to begin when I am so ready to clobber the hell out of the cancer cells right now. Wondering if I am making right decisions. Must make decisions all by myself based on a whim, intuition, and my minimal knowledge.
Didn't sleep much when I know I should get eight hours. More anxiety. Trying to eat enough to put on some weight when time and energy wain. (Note: Raw vege diet is great if you want to lose weight.) Tried to meditate at night when not sleeping. Trying to not have anxiety regarding my inability to meditate. (Which means meditation is causing me anxiety.)
When hungry I fix myself a plate of raw cauliflower, snow peas, carrot and celery sticks, green olives, spinach, nits and seeds and a small piece of hormone free, free range, grain fed chicken (for protein.) Yum Yum. Not exactly comfort food. But as I said, I am anxious to clobber the hell out of the cancer cells and apparently this is on the diet to do it.
I spent my middle of the night hours reading helpful books and just sitting quietly. This morning there is less anxiety and I feel better about with my decisions.
Such is life these days.
About Me
- Jan ockunzzi
- Indian Rocks Beach, Florida, United States
- I am 62 years old, a grandmother, who had never really been on her own until a year and a half ago when the divorce became final. Last summer, at the end of April , I took to the road, by myself, for a three month sabbatical from my conventional life, wondering around the USA, watching the sun rise and fall from behind my steering wheel and contemplating life's mysteries and looking for chance encounters with cool people and experiences. My very first post, written back in January of 09, explains the whole thrilling scary plan. The story of my journey down a real as well as metaphorical road follows. And it hasn't really ended. To know me, you would need to start at the first blog and read forward from there. But you could skip around a bit. Back home, off the road, it got bumpier!
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