Ten days since my last post. Ten ordinary days. Now I don't mean that in a negative way. I probably should have said "ten good ordinary days." Ordinary meaning, nothing really exciting has occurred, no unexpected checks of consequence (or otherwise), no disasters, and no answers to my big questions. On the other hand, there was a couple of nice dinners with friends, some good long walks, wonderful saturating rains and more pink sunsets.
And I feel pretty good. I am hopeful. I am confident. Of what you may ask. I don't really know I respond.
But I get things done and I'm smiling. That's pretty good.
And tonight is Friday and that means getting together with the Friday friends as I have done for thirty years. It's good. Instead of a loving spouse I have loving friends. It's nice to have both, but having even one of those is darn lucky. (Does that sound sad? I don't mean it to.)
The perfect life..........and I am soooooo close...........would be...
A comfortable house with a kitchen and room for company. Company. Enough money to do the things that are important and a few that are not. Travel to other places a couple of times a year(some of which ought to be considered exotic!) and someone to start my heart beating again.
Piece of Cake!
Friday, September 25, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Yellow Reflection
It's a pink cloudy morning with a hint of yellow reflection on everything below the sky.
And, for me, life here on earth is sort of regular these past few days, what with doing regular life and landlord things, and well..........................it kind of gets me down.
I was house and pet sitting for a friend. I got to enjoy their beautiful waterfront home, big screen TV, balcony views and large kitchen. There are nifty things throughout their home, lots of lizard type decorations and that reminded of what I no longer have. Maybe that's what started my feel fall.
Although books and websites assure me this is normal, now and then, I get sad and I start to think negative thoughts. (Ugg) Thoughts about divorce and loss and misunderstandings and limited funds and desires and taxes and expenses and all that crude that no one wants to think about. But there it is, front and center. Again. I really don't know about other people, I suspect most go through some sort of emotional highs and lows, but I find the lows quite frustrating and a bit of a struggle.
Yesterday a pleasant outgoing forty something lady stopped in the studio and we got to talking. It was clear that she was lonely and unsettled. She is married. They have moved many times during their married years and 10 months ago rented a house in Clearwater. The house went into foreclosure and they will need to move again next month. They have a bankruptcy in their recent past, hubby just opened a used car lot, and they can't get a mortgage. She is tired of moving, wants to settle down and decorate and paint and fix up a nest of her own, but they would need a creative purchase to do that. I listened and wondered what I would do in her shoes. I somehow felt luckier, better off, even in light of my wanting to move. She doesn't have friends here and that makes things worse. This was her second visit to Wabi Sabi. Not to buy. Just to talk!
I am a firm believer that attitude is everything and thoughts direct our lives. So when I get to feeling lousy and in a worrying mode, add to the other feelings, a fear of what I am conjuring up for myself.
I have STILL not made any decisions about where to live or what to do. I keep waiting for a sign or something to happen that will offer guidance. But nothing. I checked out some properties but none are what I am looking for and those that come close are pricey. I haven't heard from my potential renter for my studio. Perhaps he is not as interested as he indicated. Perhaps his feelings or his situation has changed. Perhaps that is a sign for me to stay? Perhaps he is waiting for me to call. Then again, seeing my "wasband" (new word for ex-) pass my window holding hands with yet another gal and later seeing him selling the rain barrels I painted sort of bummed me out. An encouraging push to move out of eye sight.
There are folks who live less unsettled, or so it seems. They live in a house they plan to live in till they die, or move into assisted living. They worked the same job all or most of their lives. They stayed married to their first love. They are happy watching TV, reading the paper, and taking a walk. They take a vacation now and then. And that's about it. And they seems to like it that way. Simple. Quiet.
At 62, it sounds nice to me, but it isn't me. I will move again, and that will require starting over with the decorating and household props as if I were 21. I will need a couch, a bed and a refrigerator among other things. I am involved in volunteer activities that are a little like a part-time job, I take care of the rentals, I am writing the history book, I want to travel more and far and long. I want life to be simple, quiet, easy. But instead, it is complicated and busy, with so much to do.
That said, I need to get going now. And it seems that while I have been writing the yellow reflection has turned into something less magical, a regular clear day.
And, for me, life here on earth is sort of regular these past few days, what with doing regular life and landlord things, and well..........................it kind of gets me down.
I was house and pet sitting for a friend. I got to enjoy their beautiful waterfront home, big screen TV, balcony views and large kitchen. There are nifty things throughout their home, lots of lizard type decorations and that reminded of what I no longer have. Maybe that's what started my feel fall.
Although books and websites assure me this is normal, now and then, I get sad and I start to think negative thoughts. (Ugg) Thoughts about divorce and loss and misunderstandings and limited funds and desires and taxes and expenses and all that crude that no one wants to think about. But there it is, front and center. Again. I really don't know about other people, I suspect most go through some sort of emotional highs and lows, but I find the lows quite frustrating and a bit of a struggle.
Yesterday a pleasant outgoing forty something lady stopped in the studio and we got to talking. It was clear that she was lonely and unsettled. She is married. They have moved many times during their married years and 10 months ago rented a house in Clearwater. The house went into foreclosure and they will need to move again next month. They have a bankruptcy in their recent past, hubby just opened a used car lot, and they can't get a mortgage. She is tired of moving, wants to settle down and decorate and paint and fix up a nest of her own, but they would need a creative purchase to do that. I listened and wondered what I would do in her shoes. I somehow felt luckier, better off, even in light of my wanting to move. She doesn't have friends here and that makes things worse. This was her second visit to Wabi Sabi. Not to buy. Just to talk!
I am a firm believer that attitude is everything and thoughts direct our lives. So when I get to feeling lousy and in a worrying mode, add to the other feelings, a fear of what I am conjuring up for myself.
I have STILL not made any decisions about where to live or what to do. I keep waiting for a sign or something to happen that will offer guidance. But nothing. I checked out some properties but none are what I am looking for and those that come close are pricey. I haven't heard from my potential renter for my studio. Perhaps he is not as interested as he indicated. Perhaps his feelings or his situation has changed. Perhaps that is a sign for me to stay? Perhaps he is waiting for me to call. Then again, seeing my "wasband" (new word for ex-) pass my window holding hands with yet another gal and later seeing him selling the rain barrels I painted sort of bummed me out. An encouraging push to move out of eye sight.
There are folks who live less unsettled, or so it seems. They live in a house they plan to live in till they die, or move into assisted living. They worked the same job all or most of their lives. They stayed married to their first love. They are happy watching TV, reading the paper, and taking a walk. They take a vacation now and then. And that's about it. And they seems to like it that way. Simple. Quiet.
At 62, it sounds nice to me, but it isn't me. I will move again, and that will require starting over with the decorating and household props as if I were 21. I will need a couch, a bed and a refrigerator among other things. I am involved in volunteer activities that are a little like a part-time job, I take care of the rentals, I am writing the history book, I want to travel more and far and long. I want life to be simple, quiet, easy. But instead, it is complicated and busy, with so much to do.
That said, I need to get going now. And it seems that while I have been writing the yellow reflection has turned into something less magical, a regular clear day.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Still ???
Life does sometimes come at us fast.
While not making any decision regarding renting the place I am now living in, the renter in my real house wants to buy, although he doesn't really have enough money, but he definitely does not want to move. He asked me to think about it. I tried. Too hard. Too many pros and cons for my muddled brain.
And although I have looked around, I haven't seen my cottage, the one I am wanting to move into. I must move up, not just out!
Being in a quandary about these things makes it hard for me to know what to do. Do I paint a mural on my wall, improve the landscape at the rental house, stay, look, go, sell, buy, rent, stay???
I have started working on the IRB history book and it seems to be harder than I thought it would be. Maybe just a slow start. I better get better at it. I have a deadline and co-authors who are counting on me.
I am however, a bit, planting and watering and rewatering new plants in this hot Florida sun which dries the earth and pots incredibly fast. It usually doesn't cool down until mid October.
The days are getting shorter now that autumn is here. I don't have enough day as it is. How will I ever get everything done?
I am not complaining, mind you, I am just saying...........
Actually, I am grateful. My life has consistently been improving. I live just fine. It is peaceful. Last night I watched the sun set into the Gulf. For just this one evening, it set right between two condos where I could see it go down while I sat on my front porch. My timing was good. Cool! A friend told me that I could watch the moon set into the Gulf, when it is full and low in the sky. I have never seen that. I am going to watch next time.
I am also grateful for air conditioning, bug spray, and refrigeration.
And good food. (Friday, I ate crab and cheese quiche with herbed mashed potatoes at Ken and Suzanne's, Saturday, I had lobster with a tomato, avocado and heart of palm salad at Terry's, Sunday I ate, knockwurst and sauerkraut, German potato salad and corn on the cob at Jim and Ann's. Monday I ate leftovers! Yum, Yum, Yum, and Yum.)
Granted, it isn't all this terrific. There is other stuff. But why dwell on that? Well, there is those decisions to make..........
While not making any decision regarding renting the place I am now living in, the renter in my real house wants to buy, although he doesn't really have enough money, but he definitely does not want to move. He asked me to think about it. I tried. Too hard. Too many pros and cons for my muddled brain.
And although I have looked around, I haven't seen my cottage, the one I am wanting to move into. I must move up, not just out!
Being in a quandary about these things makes it hard for me to know what to do. Do I paint a mural on my wall, improve the landscape at the rental house, stay, look, go, sell, buy, rent, stay???
I have started working on the IRB history book and it seems to be harder than I thought it would be. Maybe just a slow start. I better get better at it. I have a deadline and co-authors who are counting on me.
I am however, a bit, planting and watering and rewatering new plants in this hot Florida sun which dries the earth and pots incredibly fast. It usually doesn't cool down until mid October.
The days are getting shorter now that autumn is here. I don't have enough day as it is. How will I ever get everything done?
I am not complaining, mind you, I am just saying...........
Actually, I am grateful. My life has consistently been improving. I live just fine. It is peaceful. Last night I watched the sun set into the Gulf. For just this one evening, it set right between two condos where I could see it go down while I sat on my front porch. My timing was good. Cool! A friend told me that I could watch the moon set into the Gulf, when it is full and low in the sky. I have never seen that. I am going to watch next time.
I am also grateful for air conditioning, bug spray, and refrigeration.
And good food. (Friday, I ate crab and cheese quiche with herbed mashed potatoes at Ken and Suzanne's, Saturday, I had lobster with a tomato, avocado and heart of palm salad at Terry's, Sunday I ate, knockwurst and sauerkraut, German potato salad and corn on the cob at Jim and Ann's. Monday I ate leftovers! Yum, Yum, Yum, and Yum.)
Granted, it isn't all this terrific. There is other stuff. But why dwell on that? Well, there is those decisions to make..........
Thursday, September 3, 2009
???
I’ve made no decisions yet, about my living arrangements. I've thought about it, a lot. But no inspiration, no sign, no nothing. I’ve looked around for someplace else to inhabit that is at least as nice, but haven’t found the place yet. (Although most other living spaces have, at least, a real kitchen and that’s tempting.) But, I do not want to move to a place I don’t like just to move away….. and cook! The whole point is to be better off, more relaxed, happier......well, and that other thing that really is the main reason anyway.
I realize that making no decision is, in effect, making a decision to stay. So be it.
I do enjoy company, especially those chance encounters with cool people. That’s why I liked running a B and B. Here, at my Wabi Sabi Studio and Gallery, I still get to enjoy that best part, people. They stop in from time to time. Why just the day before yesterday, a gal about my age stopped in and we got to talking. She retired last year, has a husband who doesn’t want to do anything but sit at home and what she really wants to do is………"take a long road trip, pack the car and head out,” she says. Now there is a subject I know something about!
She left feeling better than she did when she came in and so did I.
Here is something I think. Two people need more than twice the space as one. Two costs more than twice one. I think that is because everyone needs a place to get away and be comfortable by themselves. From time to time. A small place is fine for one, but even a little bigger isn’t fine for two. We all need our own space.
I’m looking for my next adventure. Moving is only part of the picture. I have started with Wayne and Nancy, on the history book for Indian Rocks. It will be published by Arcadia Press, assuming we meet the deadline in February. I like undertaking this new project. It’s something!!! I’ll be busy.
But that’s not enough for the long haul. I would still like to find my Tidewater Cottage to live in for the next ten years and meet Charlie (ficticious name!), and get comfortable and excited. Feel young, connected and sexy! (Well....I would!) And travel some more!
Doesn’t seem like too much to ask, does it? And write another book! And come into more money. And travel some more!
And travel some more!
And travel some more!
I realize that making no decision is, in effect, making a decision to stay. So be it.
I do enjoy company, especially those chance encounters with cool people. That’s why I liked running a B and B. Here, at my Wabi Sabi Studio and Gallery, I still get to enjoy that best part, people. They stop in from time to time. Why just the day before yesterday, a gal about my age stopped in and we got to talking. She retired last year, has a husband who doesn’t want to do anything but sit at home and what she really wants to do is………"take a long road trip, pack the car and head out,” she says. Now there is a subject I know something about!
She left feeling better than she did when she came in and so did I.
Here is something I think. Two people need more than twice the space as one. Two costs more than twice one. I think that is because everyone needs a place to get away and be comfortable by themselves. From time to time. A small place is fine for one, but even a little bigger isn’t fine for two. We all need our own space.
I’m looking for my next adventure. Moving is only part of the picture. I have started with Wayne and Nancy, on the history book for Indian Rocks. It will be published by Arcadia Press, assuming we meet the deadline in February. I like undertaking this new project. It’s something!!! I’ll be busy.
But that’s not enough for the long haul. I would still like to find my Tidewater Cottage to live in for the next ten years and meet Charlie (ficticious name!), and get comfortable and excited. Feel young, connected and sexy! (Well....I would!) And travel some more!
Doesn’t seem like too much to ask, does it? And write another book! And come into more money. And travel some more!
And travel some more!
And travel some more!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
CHEERS!
Neither, Norm, Carla, Sam or Cliff were there, but anyway, here's to you! Cheers from Boston!
Monday, August 24, 2009
I'm Back
I'm back home and
I am sitting here at my computer and wanting to write, but what I have done for the last few minutes is just stare.
Delete
That’s what I do when I write something boring or stupid, which happens when I should have kept starring because I don’t know what to say.
I think I’ll just tell you what is going on, bring you up to snuff, and paint the picture of my today.
I flew in from Boston a few days ago. Boston, by the way, is a wonderful city to visit. You'd love it. We, my three highschool girlfriends and I did. (Every year for the past seven, we get together for us.) We walked the freedom trail and soaked in history. Saw Paul Reveres house and then his grave. Took in the Boston commons and public garden. Had beers at Cheers. (see photo) Took the ferry to Salem, witch trials and potions and the House of Seven Gables. We went to Harvard and took the unofficial tour around campus. Back in the big city we shopped and walked and talked. All good.
Now back home for a while, I have reopened my studio and had a few, very few, customers stop in, but that's exactly what I expected, gives me time for gallery improvements. It’s nice.
I have spent time with friends, and really, I love that. A lot.
I am getting used to having the ex next door. (Sort of) There are periodic sightings but no contact. No words. From time to time I go on line for an educational update on relationships and learn stuff that offers new perspective, understanding and insight into me and, well, him, too. It is uncanny how other people can say what is in my head, but I didn't know how to put into words. Hopefully this is reasonable and not obsessive behavior. I am pretty happy most of the time.
Still I am contemplating a move. Just thinking. The consensus is that living next door to your ex is a bad thing. Maybe so. Probably so. Now, I am only talking about a move from this street address, but still staying in the 33785 zip code. This is my community. And it's a good one. I have been around. I know.
I may have an opportunity to rent my studio/home so that brings the moving issue to my desk top for serious consideration. Moving means closing Wabi Sabi Studio and Gallery. Moving means (most likey) no Gulf Blvd front porch sitting. Moving means the drudgery of moving.
On the other hand. Moving means no ex next door. Moving means freedom from the gallery. It means more leisure. It means change. And……moving means moving on!
I can’t decide. The monkey wench in the project is that I really have no place to move to, yet. That’s the challenge.
Anyway. I can’t decide. This is a really big issue for me. Not as big as death or divorce, but still pretty big.
What do you think? I really am stumped. I could go either way.
I am sitting here at my computer and wanting to write, but what I have done for the last few minutes is just stare.
Delete
That’s what I do when I write something boring or stupid, which happens when I should have kept starring because I don’t know what to say.
I think I’ll just tell you what is going on, bring you up to snuff, and paint the picture of my today.
I flew in from Boston a few days ago. Boston, by the way, is a wonderful city to visit. You'd love it. We, my three highschool girlfriends and I did. (Every year for the past seven, we get together for us.) We walked the freedom trail and soaked in history. Saw Paul Reveres house and then his grave. Took in the Boston commons and public garden. Had beers at Cheers. (see photo) Took the ferry to Salem, witch trials and potions and the House of Seven Gables. We went to Harvard and took the unofficial tour around campus. Back in the big city we shopped and walked and talked. All good.
Now back home for a while, I have reopened my studio and had a few, very few, customers stop in, but that's exactly what I expected, gives me time for gallery improvements. It’s nice.
I have spent time with friends, and really, I love that. A lot.
I am getting used to having the ex next door. (Sort of) There are periodic sightings but no contact. No words. From time to time I go on line for an educational update on relationships and learn stuff that offers new perspective, understanding and insight into me and, well, him, too. It is uncanny how other people can say what is in my head, but I didn't know how to put into words. Hopefully this is reasonable and not obsessive behavior. I am pretty happy most of the time.
Still I am contemplating a move. Just thinking. The consensus is that living next door to your ex is a bad thing. Maybe so. Probably so. Now, I am only talking about a move from this street address, but still staying in the 33785 zip code. This is my community. And it's a good one. I have been around. I know.
I may have an opportunity to rent my studio/home so that brings the moving issue to my desk top for serious consideration. Moving means closing Wabi Sabi Studio and Gallery. Moving means (most likey) no Gulf Blvd front porch sitting. Moving means the drudgery of moving.
On the other hand. Moving means no ex next door. Moving means freedom from the gallery. It means more leisure. It means change. And……moving means moving on!
I can’t decide. The monkey wench in the project is that I really have no place to move to, yet. That’s the challenge.
Anyway. I can’t decide. This is a really big issue for me. Not as big as death or divorce, but still pretty big.
What do you think? I really am stumped. I could go either way.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Because you are asking . . .
I will continue to blog, but I am taking a hiatus for a week or two. Life is surprising me and throwing me curves. I have decisions to make, new paths to choose. . . . or I run the risk of doing what is easy just because it is easier than doing something else.
I have a girlfriends getaway to attend this week in Boston. I hope my friends can help me sort through the options. Lord knows, we can talk a subject to death!
I'll get back to you when I get back from Bean Town. I miss you too.
Jan
I have a girlfriends getaway to attend this week in Boston. I hope my friends can help me sort through the options. Lord knows, we can talk a subject to death!
I'll get back to you when I get back from Bean Town. I miss you too.
Jan
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
