We are having an adventure here in Seattle. We, meaning, my daughter and her husband , their daughter, and their almost one week old son. There is something about a new baby that is totally awesome. Just think of the adventure he is beginning!

A new member in the family, forever, for always. They named my grandson Jake. His sister is Grace and it was pretty exciting when she joined us, four year ago, one day before Jake, a few days before Thanksgiving. Talk about having something to be thankful for....

As I write this at 6:15 AM, Jake is asleep in his car seat, which is not in the car, but situated on the living room floor beside me. He is asleep as is everyone else at the moment, except me of course. I love this time of the day when I have it all to myself, and I feel good, rested, and like I am getting a head start on everyone else. I know that by 9:00 tonight, I will be tired, and ready to turn over the day to the people of the night, but the morning is all mine!

I wonder about this new life. Where will he go, what will he do, what will he think, and what kind of person will he be? What will become important to him and why will it become so? Who will he love. Where will he travel. Endless possibilities. I have been doing and traveling and loving for 62 years and in my head 62 years seems like such a long time, but in reality, not long at all. I should have gone more places, did more stuff, had bigger dreams, and well, generally, lived with more flair, with more courage, with more laughter and abandon. I am trying to do that now, it ain't over by a long shot. I have time. (Don't get me wrong, however, it has been a pretty good life with a lot of great stuff in it! I am not complaining, it is just that......there is so much more!!!)

When I am ninety two, I hope to say, WOW, what a ride! And if I am lucky, I will be saying this while sipping expensive wine with someone I love at some elegant bistro in some exotic foreign city. Well, maybe when I am eighty two. (I can dream, can't I?)

I have been in Seattle for a little over a week now, and the days have been dreary, drizzly, and chilly, except for one. I do prefer Florida sunshine. I can imagine that after a few months this dreariness could bring a person down. But for now, it is cozy. And we have a new baby!

It's a Monday evening, 6:26 PM. It's at least three hours until a respectable time to go to bed and sleep and I just don't know what to do with that three hours. I don't like this early darkness that leaves me both tired and restless. Since I don't have television, the option of sitting down and staring at the TV set doesn't exist. I would be pathetically staring at a blank set (Why is it called a set?).

Anyway. Here I am. Blogging because I am too tired to do anything else and it is too early to go to bed. How sad!

It has been almost four months since my three month road trip. I remind myself that it wasn't so long ago that I was on the road. I do this because sometimes I feel like life is not too thrilling and I certainly don't want to waste the time I have been given. For me, traveling is thrilling. It is accomplishment. It makes life worthwhile.

Not that I haven't things to do. I have books. I have paint. I have YouTube. I can exercise (ugg), I can write Christmas cards (groan, not in the mood!), I can meditate (who am I kidding, I've tried, my mind won't stay still for ten seconds!), I can go out and get some ice cream (too lazy), or I can ................................I don't know........................OK, I am stuck for things to do. That's the problem here.

I have found that when I am alone and bored, the boredom is so much more difficult than being bored with someone else around. I don't know why, but it is.

You know that Sinatra song "Regrets, I've had a few, but then again too few to mention." Well I've a few and I am going to actually mention them, just for the heck of it. I regret getting a teaching degree in college instead of studying art, writing or medicine. I regret marrying at 22. I regret not traveling more. I regret not naming my daughter Jillian instead of Jill, although she would probably prefer Jill anyway. I regret following the safe worn path instead of making my own. I regret not going to a therapist before I asked for a divorce and not insisting he go too. I regret not planning my divorce better. And I regret trying to look sexy and sophisticated at my junior prom and instead looked cheesy and nothing like myself. And I regret not having my teeth all straightened and whitened and capped when I was younger.

I have other regrets I am sure, but I can't think of them just right now. I have never understood people who say that they wouldn't change anything about their lives. Come on now! Is any life that perfect? Is it possible to have always made the right decisions? Wasn't for me. Having some regrets seems reasonable. (As long as one does not dwell on them.)

So this is what I do on a dull evening, review my regrets. Sad, huh.

But OK, I am done with that now. I was just mussing anyway. There are things I am terribly happy I did as well. Like, having gone to college at all even if I played it safe with a teaching degree. And it was good to have babies, work some of the neat jobs I did, travel the trips I did, run a camping store, operate a B and B, make and keep the friends I have, and have a lot of people over for holiday dinners, and move to Indian Rocks Beach. All good stuff.

If I were to design my life it would be pretty close to what it is now, only I would be just a little richer, with a full kitchen, a laundry room, a bathtub, and full ownership of this building I live in. So really, I'm pretty close pretty close. I am almost there. Life is good.

The "to move or not to move" decision that I kept putting off not so long ago resolved itself by the potential tenant never getting back to me, so I had no one to rent this place to and so I might as well stay a little longer. And really, I am OK with that. I won't revisit that particular issue until at least next summer. I am soooooo much better at dealing with the concept of you know living next door. It just took some time. Not much of a problem anymore, really. Opps, that brings to mind another regret....my having been so darn generous and thoughtful even in the mist of a divorce. If I had it to do over, I would have taken soooooooo much more when I left, both money and things. I don't know what I was thinking. I hear other ex wives took their ex to the cleaners. Darn, I shouda! It's not like he appreciated the generosity, or even noticed. Big regret!

I am going to Seattle in three days to be there for the birth of my new grand baby. I can't wait. When I leave there, and I think that will be hard to do, and I get home, I am planning on some serious landscaping between me and next door. And finishing writing the history book. (The publisher wants it by February), and gearing up for the busy winter season in my gallery, and having my girlfriends visit in February for a grownup pajama party, and going to a family reunion in July.

And planning another big trip somewhere, and working on my second book ( I do have a plan for it), and eventually rethinking my living arrangement. Isn't that enough to do? Ain't life swell?

This is why I like to write sometimes. It takes me from listing regrets to listing things I want and will be doing. I am about 80% happy most of the time, Not bad when a year ago, I was 80% sad most of the time.

I held the nose of a dolphin in my hand. I fed the dolphin, named Winter, a couple of fish and patted her on her head. It was special. I did this at the Clearwater Aquarium along with my brothers, sister-in-law, niece, and cousin Paul. That made it even more special. It was a great day!

Regular stuff:

I think that I will remain here on Gulf Blvd for a while. The potential tenant has not shown his face again and I can only assume he has lost interest. That's OK. I kind of like it here at Wabi Sabi. Time has a way of making decisions for us. Not always with good results, but in this case it has worked out so far.

Life is good these days. I have read up and know stuff that helps me understand things past. And it makes life easier. And I feel happy and peaceful. And it's good. Of course, I realize there may be times ahead that don't feel so good, but that's life. As for now, it's good.

It is also really HOT out. With a heat index over 100 degrees it is hard to do outdoor things during the day. But I am looking at a gray sky to the northwest and hoping that the cold front is finally moving our way. We need rain and we need some cool.

I haven't written much in this blog lately because I have been busy. The days go by very fast. And well, there have been other things to do. But I will get back when my mind goes here.

Moon Set

This morning I watched the moon set into the Gulf of Mexico. At 6:48 am, while it was still dark out, the moon, full and large and orange, fell into the watery horizon as if it were the sun setting at dusk. How could I not know about this phenomenon before this. Very very cool!

10 days later

Ten days since my last post. Ten ordinary days. Now I don't mean that in a negative way. I probably should have said "ten good ordinary days." Ordinary meaning, nothing really exciting has occurred, no unexpected checks of consequence (or otherwise), no disasters, and no answers to my big questions. On the other hand, there was a couple of nice dinners with friends, some good long walks, wonderful saturating rains and more pink sunsets.

And I feel pretty good. I am hopeful. I am confident. Of what you may ask. I don't really know I respond.

But I get things done and I'm smiling. That's pretty good.

And tonight is Friday and that means getting together with the Friday friends as I have done for thirty years. It's good. Instead of a loving spouse I have loving friends. It's nice to have both, but having even one of those is darn lucky. (Does that sound sad? I don't mean it to.)

The perfect life..........and I am soooooo close...........would be...

A comfortable house with a kitchen and room for company. Company. Enough money to do the things that are important and a few that are not. Travel to other places a couple of times a year(some of which ought to be considered exotic!) and someone to start my heart beating again.

Piece of Cake!

Yellow Reflection

It's a pink cloudy morning with a hint of yellow reflection on everything below the sky.

And, for me, life here on earth is sort of regular these past few days, what with doing regular life and landlord things, and well..........................it kind of gets me down.

I was house and pet sitting for a friend. I got to enjoy their beautiful waterfront home, big screen TV, balcony views and large kitchen. There are nifty things throughout their home, lots of lizard type decorations and that reminded of what I no longer have. Maybe that's what started my feel fall.

Although books and websites assure me this is normal, now and then, I get sad and I start to think negative thoughts. (Ugg) Thoughts about divorce and loss and misunderstandings and limited funds and desires and taxes and expenses and all that crude that no one wants to think about. But there it is, front and center. Again. I really don't know about other people, I suspect most go through some sort of emotional highs and lows, but I find the lows quite frustrating and a bit of a struggle.

Yesterday a pleasant outgoing forty something lady stopped in the studio and we got to talking. It was clear that she was lonely and unsettled. She is married. They have moved many times during their married years and 10 months ago rented a house in Clearwater. The house went into foreclosure and they will need to move again next month. They have a bankruptcy in their recent past, hubby just opened a used car lot, and they can't get a mortgage. She is tired of moving, wants to settle down and decorate and paint and fix up a nest of her own, but they would need a creative purchase to do that. I listened and wondered what I would do in her shoes. I somehow felt luckier, better off, even in light of my wanting to move. She doesn't have friends here and that makes things worse. This was her second visit to Wabi Sabi. Not to buy. Just to talk!

I am a firm believer that attitude is everything and thoughts direct our lives. So when I get to feeling lousy and in a worrying mode, add to the other feelings, a fear of what I am conjuring up for myself.

I have STILL not made any decisions about where to live or what to do. I keep waiting for a sign or something to happen that will offer guidance. But nothing. I checked out some properties but none are what I am looking for and those that come close are pricey. I haven't heard from my potential renter for my studio. Perhaps he is not as interested as he indicated. Perhaps his feelings or his situation has changed. Perhaps that is a sign for me to stay? Perhaps he is waiting for me to call. Then again, seeing my "wasband" (new word for ex-) pass my window holding hands with yet another gal and later seeing him selling the rain barrels I painted sort of bummed me out. An encouraging push to move out of eye sight.

There are folks who live less unsettled, or so it seems. They live in a house they plan to live in till they die, or move into assisted living. They worked the same job all or most of their lives. They stayed married to their first love. They are happy watching TV, reading the paper, and taking a walk. They take a vacation now and then. And that's about it. And they seems to like it that way. Simple. Quiet.

At 62, it sounds nice to me, but it isn't me. I will move again, and that will require starting over with the decorating and household props as if I were 21. I will need a couch, a bed and a refrigerator among other things. I am involved in volunteer activities that are a little like a part-time job, I take care of the rentals, I am writing the history book, I want to travel more and far and long. I want life to be simple, quiet, easy. But instead, it is complicated and busy, with so much to do.

That said, I need to get going now. And it seems that while I have been writing the yellow reflection has turned into something less magical, a regular clear day.

Still ???

Life does sometimes come at us fast.

While not making any decision regarding renting the place I am now living in, the renter in my real house wants to buy, although he doesn't really have enough money, but he definitely does not want to move. He asked me to think about it. I tried. Too hard. Too many pros and cons for my muddled brain.

And although I have looked around, I haven't seen my cottage, the one I am wanting to move into. I must move up, not just out!

Being in a quandary about these things makes it hard for me to know what to do. Do I paint a mural on my wall, improve the landscape at the rental house, stay, look, go, sell, buy, rent, stay???

I have started working on the IRB history book and it seems to be harder than I thought it would be. Maybe just a slow start. I better get better at it. I have a deadline and co-authors who are counting on me.

I am however, a bit, planting and watering and rewatering new plants in this hot Florida sun which dries the earth and pots incredibly fast. It usually doesn't cool down until mid October.

The days are getting shorter now that autumn is here. I don't have enough day as it is. How will I ever get everything done?

I am not complaining, mind you, I am just saying...........

Actually, I am grateful. My life has consistently been improving. I live just fine. It is peaceful. Last night I watched the sun set into the Gulf. For just this one evening, it set right between two condos where I could see it go down while I sat on my front porch. My timing was good. Cool! A friend told me that I could watch the moon set into the Gulf, when it is full and low in the sky. I have never seen that. I am going to watch next time.

I am also grateful for air conditioning, bug spray, and refrigeration.

And good food. (Friday, I ate crab and cheese quiche with herbed mashed potatoes at Ken and Suzanne's, Saturday, I had lobster with a tomato, avocado and heart of palm salad at Terry's, Sunday I ate, knockwurst and sauerkraut, German potato salad and corn on the cob at Jim and Ann's. Monday I ate leftovers! Yum, Yum, Yum, and Yum.)

Granted, it isn't all this terrific. There is other stuff. But why dwell on that? Well, there is those decisions to make..........