2009 Almost a Memory

It is close to the end of the year. Our lives are noted symbolically by the years according to the calendar. Each year for all of us ends at the same time and we begin a new one on January 1, all of us, together. Even though the events of our separate lives might have divided our years differently. And to look at it another way, for example, my 62nd year, started in March.

But going by the calendar, 2008 was my worst year ever. Just awful. 2009, on the other hand, was a combination of reflection and looking ahead, change and new experiences, and.......how do I explain?, reinventing myself, or at least, much of my life.

When I look back, I feel pretty good about the year. My three month road trip was an amazing thing for me to do by myself. I didn't know I could or would. I have improved my thinking, I think! I am mostly satisfied and happy, with only an occasional backslide and a diminutive cry. There is so much to do that I want to do. I am never bored. Tired sometimes, but not bored.

My life, though, is not always as I want it to be. And it isn't exactly the life I had envisioned. Maybe it's better than that. I feel more confident then I used to. More secure. More excited by the possibilities. Occasionally unsure. Sometimes melancholy. Now and then a little sad. But mostly it's really good.

So, in keeping with tradition, I have hereby reflected somewhat on the past year. Now I will think about making a few resolutions and plans for 2009, that I fully intend to keep......of course. However I haven't thought them through yet. I have a few days before the new year, a few days before I need to commit. I want to be a better person, but is it hard to look at ourselves objectively. We know too much, have too many excuses, see "things" through our own narrow perspectives and it is hard to know what we might need to change to be better and still be ourselves.

I used to call a cousin when I was confounded in my marriage and didn't know if I was being reasonable or not. Was it me or was it him or was it just a difference of opinion? Was I making mountains out of molehills? I needed help to see beyond my own perspective. Sometimes I needed direction. Sometimes I just needed a shoulder to cry on. Whether or not I ultimately made good decisions isn't the point. I needed to get beyond myself, and make the best decisions I could. The point here is, I feel better equiped and less emotionally drained then I used to, so that I think I can make somewhat objective decisions regarding what to do from here, the big picture, better habits, less procrastination, adventure, money, romance, happiness. All that.

So I will think about making some New Year's resolutions. If you have suggestions......