Another Day

Before I could even begin writing this, I had to run outside and cut some aloe and smear my chest with it because there is a little rash with a big itch there, really a minor side effect that seems to be greatly eased with aloe. The aloe also is good on the peeling skin on my knuckles? And aside from an energy challenged weekend where ten minutes off the couch required 3 hours on, I continue to do OK with Chemotherapy. Well, there is the mouth thing, kinda raw with nonfunctioning taste buds, which makes eating less than enjoyable when I really need to eat 'cause I am approaching serious under weightedness (?). But I CAN eat and that seems to be better than some poor folks on chemo. So that's about it. Not so bad all in all. Yadda Yadda Yadda

All the other stuff I wanted to really get into, meditation, spiritual growth, raw food diet are not going so well, but I haven't given up. As I have said before, time seems to go incredibly fast and before I know it the day is done. I am pretty good at taking a walk each day. That's important to me. So there is THAT.

And there is something else I am getting better at. I used to feel like I had to accomplish things each day and I felt driven to do do do, be it home fix up or volunteering to do something, or managing paperwork, or some such, but now I can let a day or two go by without doing much and without feeling bad that I didn't do much of anything productive or long lasting as opposed to just doing something fun or relaxing. This is a good thing for my mental health. It is not being lazy but rather being able to enjoy my leisure or rest periods. It is about not feeling like I have to do something productive to make the day worthwhile. It is about being able to let my body heal as well.

Something else that helps me heal are all the kind and encouraging words and cards from seriously excellent folks who have offered to help me. All I have to do is ask. Actually the offers are wonderfully helpful in themselves. Asking may be a challenge, but all the books say ask. I intend to when the time comes. This cancer is no small mountain to overcome and I will take all the help I can get. While there are certain things only I can do, surely there are other things others can do. What's appropriate to ask for help with? Weeding the yard? Cleaning the closet? Preparing raw food to eat? Finding a washer to replace the one that just broke? Sewing curtains? Hummmmm

And for those who wonder. My grandson Zachary is still in the hospital and has yet another infection which means they stop feeding him and cancel the tracheotomy which delays recovery which means the poor little guys must continue his struggle for survival even longer while mommy and daddy struggle with the sadness and pain of seeing their lovely little boy deal with a very difficult life. It's a sad sad tough hard terrible time. And there is little we can do to help except pray for him. I pray to whatever God will listen.

Pray for him.

Jan