At 6:30 AM I hit the road yesterday, driving north.
It takes me at least getting out of Florida and then some before my mind settles down. So the first half of yesterday was dealing with uncontrolled thoughts that changed every minute going from an irrelevant intrusion of memories to anticipation of the future and emotions that quickly go from doubt, to joy to fear, to love, to contemplative serious quiet. It amazes me how suddenly they change, in seconds. A song on the radio or nothing at all and a new mood is served up. a Whoop! a tear! a laugh!
By afternoon the thinking rush was over and I could relax and enjoy the trip. The traffic was very heavy and a rain storm slowed things a bit and my progress was not as I expected, but it really didn't matter. I was on the road over 11 hours (with stops for peaches and pecans) and was past ready to stop for the day at 6:00 PM. I had a surprisingly hard time finding a motel. There just didn't seem to be any during the last slow hour of my drive. I was no longer on the interstate. But here I am somewhere in north Georgia in a very nice Best Western.
Life is good today.
Coffee, a great shower, a soft king size many pillowed bed, AC, TV, WiFi, U! Cool!
I am really just trying to learn to enjoy Right Now, without interruption from yesterday or tomorrow. Right now is really fine.
Jan
Friday, June 25, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
The day after tomorrow.
The day after tomorrow I will be on the road again. I am planning to be gone about one month this time.
I'm ready. The clothes are washed, bills paid, the car's oil changed, the bushes trimmed and someone in place to collect the mail.
Reunions are on the itinerary this trip. I will tell you more about those as they occur.
At the end of my last big road trip I had been divorced exactly one year. This time it will be exactly two. It's hard to imagine that much time has past, and yet so much has happened that's makes it seem longer. I am having a hard time getting a picture of what is yet to be. In another two years, I will be 65, yikes!, and that's all I know for sure.
As I alluded to in the preceeding post, I have met someone very special. I can't begin to figure out why we, why any two, connect, but we do. We just do. Still, I guess I am a bit hesitant about how to proceed and am wondering where the relationship will take us. Right now it's wonderful to have him in my life. My mind, though, is searching for pertinent personal information and past experiences to assist me in this new relationship, so I have some basis to predict and respond, but there are no comparables. Much like the GPS I traveled with last year, my personal navigation system isn't working. I'm just moving forward letting fate and the universe lead the way. I was 22 the last time I started a serious relationship. Starting one at 63 isn't even in the same ballpark. At 22 everything was new. The future stretched out endlessly in front of us. We didn't have much in the way of baggage or preferences. I now have 40 additional years of life's events and and less time before me than behind. I don't know if that means be more careful or be more impulsive! I am trying to get comfortable with not knowing the answer to that.
One thing I do know is that someone is thinking especially of me and waiting for me and that makes being gone feel different this time around. And it gives me something to contemplate down the road. And someone to miss.
So anyway, here I am now and soon I will be someplace else.
Talk to ya when I get there!
I'm ready. The clothes are washed, bills paid, the car's oil changed, the bushes trimmed and someone in place to collect the mail.
Reunions are on the itinerary this trip. I will tell you more about those as they occur.
At the end of my last big road trip I had been divorced exactly one year. This time it will be exactly two. It's hard to imagine that much time has past, and yet so much has happened that's makes it seem longer. I am having a hard time getting a picture of what is yet to be. In another two years, I will be 65, yikes!, and that's all I know for sure.
As I alluded to in the preceeding post, I have met someone very special. I can't begin to figure out why we, why any two, connect, but we do. We just do. Still, I guess I am a bit hesitant about how to proceed and am wondering where the relationship will take us. Right now it's wonderful to have him in my life. My mind, though, is searching for pertinent personal information and past experiences to assist me in this new relationship, so I have some basis to predict and respond, but there are no comparables. Much like the GPS I traveled with last year, my personal navigation system isn't working. I'm just moving forward letting fate and the universe lead the way. I was 22 the last time I started a serious relationship. Starting one at 63 isn't even in the same ballpark. At 22 everything was new. The future stretched out endlessly in front of us. We didn't have much in the way of baggage or preferences. I now have 40 additional years of life's events and and less time before me than behind. I don't know if that means be more careful or be more impulsive! I am trying to get comfortable with not knowing the answer to that.
One thing I do know is that someone is thinking especially of me and waiting for me and that makes being gone feel different this time around. And it gives me something to contemplate down the road. And someone to miss.
So anyway, here I am now and soon I will be someplace else.
Talk to ya when I get there!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Free Falling
I think my life has taken so many twists and turns throughout the last few years that I am getting dizzy. Occasionally I find myself climbing a mountain, and then coasting down only to find a raging river at the bottom and there is nothing I can do but fall in and keep my head above water. It's exhausting! But I have the option of seeing the adventure in it all and rising to the challenge or seeing it as a struggle and getting weary. Let's raise our glasses to the adventure!
These days, it's the Internet dating thing, but I am taking myself out of circulation after only a few months and letting myself free fall into someone's arms. Scarier than a solo trip into the big woods. The potential for personal disaster seems greater, yet...........I keep going.
Actually, I've met some cool guys, nice guys along the way. I have been pretty lucky. From the comments of others, I am thinking there are a lot of not so nice people out there. I feel protected somehow, from the game playing, weird, possessed, mean spirited, nothing like their online profile types that I hear others complain so much about. The ones who are fifty pounds heavier and twenty years older than their photo suggests. The ones who only want ONE THING. The ones who don't know at all what they want. (Well, I think I may have met one or two of those.)
Actually, ending a relationship, even a very short lived one is harder than starting one. Actually, it quickly makes starting harder, at least for me, it does.
And so it seems that my adventure movie has turned into a romantic chick flick. I can't go into details just yet, but I will try to keep you posted.
Love ya, Jan
These days, it's the Internet dating thing, but I am taking myself out of circulation after only a few months and letting myself free fall into someone's arms. Scarier than a solo trip into the big woods. The potential for personal disaster seems greater, yet...........I keep going.
Actually, I've met some cool guys, nice guys along the way. I have been pretty lucky. From the comments of others, I am thinking there are a lot of not so nice people out there. I feel protected somehow, from the game playing, weird, possessed, mean spirited, nothing like their online profile types that I hear others complain so much about. The ones who are fifty pounds heavier and twenty years older than their photo suggests. The ones who only want ONE THING. The ones who don't know at all what they want. (Well, I think I may have met one or two of those.)
Actually, ending a relationship, even a very short lived one is harder than starting one. Actually, it quickly makes starting harder, at least for me, it does.
And so it seems that my adventure movie has turned into a romantic chick flick. I can't go into details just yet, but I will try to keep you posted.
Love ya, Jan
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