Apalachicola, Florida:
I left Tuesday morning, April 28, at 8:30 am. I was ready. There was no reason to stay home any longer. My leaving was quiet. I simply packed a few last minute things, locked the front door, got in the car, and drove north taking my 62 year old single self on the road. I expected to be giddy with joyful anticipation, I expected to be dancing in my mind, but instead I was sort of nothing at all, just leaving, maybe even a little apprehensive.
I silently drove for about two hours, trying to get out of familiar territory, having traveled this route along US 19 toward Tallahassee dozens of times with my ex-husband over the years. However I knew I would be spending my first night, not so far from home, with memories still surrounding me. I turned the radio volume up, way up!
I stopped early, about 1:30, and camped in Manatee State Park in Chiefland. I have never camped alone, so it was a new weird experience. It was my tent's first time out of the box, but I encountered no problems. It only took a few minutes to get setup, then I put on my sneakers and hiked a few trails around sink holes and along a swollen creek that forced me to make my own trail through the woods to keep my feet dry. Dinner consisted of a pear and orange, peanut butter and crackers, and a glass of wine. I knew I shouldn't have, but I shared a cracker with a brave squirrel, company for dinner! A bright red cardinal sat a few feet from my shoulder. I read a few pages of Blue Highways, feeling as if William Least Heat Moon, the traveling author, and I were companions. I sat and listened to the birds and watched deer and armadillos scavenge. I could see no other campers and I felt quite by myself, so if a bear were to suddenly appear from the woods and attack, it would have been a quick end and a short trip, but I comforted myself with the thought that there are no grizzles in Florida. It was woods quiet all evening and night. I sobbed a few tears for who knows what (loneliness, I think), laid my head down at nightfall, and slept reasonably well till morning. Packed up and drove till I found a cup of coffee at MacDonald's.
At noon I got a room at the Coombs House Inn in Apalachicola. The inn is a large romantic Bed and Breakfast in an elegant Victorian mansion. Very opposite last night's accommodations.
I walked around town stopping for lunch at That Place and had a beer and fried oysters. I don't even like oysters, but I'm in Apalachicola and it seemed like the thing to do. I still don't like oysters, but I'm glad I ordered them! You know..."when in Rome.."
Apalachicola is a small town with a lot of history, having been established in 1831 and soon becoming the third largest cotton shipping port on the Gulf of Mexico. Today the area harvests more than 90% of Florida's oysters and 10% of the oysters consumed in the nation, thus my oyster lunch.
The Inn had bikes available, so I later pedaled my way down the side streets past large old gracious southern homes and returning to the inn for cookies and tea in the late afternoon. Other than the charming manager of the inn who had a wealth of historical information, I didn't have any significant conversations with anyone. But I enjoyed treating myself to the luxury of the inn, sitting on the veranda sipping wine, watching TV (which I haven't done since the divorce nine months ago), and climbing into a tall queen sized overly fluffy bed and falling into a perfectly fine sleep until 5:00 this morning when I woke up and decided to make myself a cup of coffee, turn on the computer and write this blog post.
My first two days on the road went by fast. So far so good. Today I will drive to Gulf Islands National Seashore in Mississippi. At least that's the plan. But breakfast first.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Going, Going, ________
I'm thinking. My next post on this blog will be written from somewhere else.
I'm ready to go.
I have acquired a few more electronic gadgets to take along. Thanks to a friend, I have a battery charger that plugs into the car which should keep my camera, cell phone and computer operational. I have a light for my forehead. I even have a GPS, although I don't yet know how to use it, but it came with a 90 page instruction booklet. I plan to read up on quiet nights.
I have a AAA triptik, although I probably won't stick to the route.
My suitcases are just about packed, I have a tote full of paint supplies. I have paper and pens, mini recorder, tent, sleeping bag, pillow, cooler, books, a couple bottles of wine, and a bunch of other stuff I think I shall need down the road.
I think I have done all I can do to organize, prepare, maintain, and have things looked after. while I'm gone. I have everything under control. HA! (meaning, sarcastically, yeah, sure I do.)
But you know, this has been done before, although by younger studier sorts. Many people have wandered. They have even written about it. It is just that I have not, at least not alone. And none of the others that I have read about have been old enough to collect social security.
I will be taking with me a couple of eleventh hour unexpected emotions. Last minute glitches and things to catch my attention. I will file these for reference and give them thought, down the road. Too late now, to resolve anything that has not yet been resolved or even to enjoy sudden new interests. These days with cell phones, computers, and fax machines, travelers can pretty much take their business on the road with them, and never be more than a few hours by plane away from home.
Tonight, in my town, is the Biggest Beach Party Ever. There will be music, beer, wine, food, a fire, lots of barefoot people dancing in the sand, and fun, all just down the beach a few blocks. I will be there at sunset, partying with my friends and neighbors. Two mornings after, I'll drive away, looking for whatever I find.
I will head toward Austin, but it may take me a few days to get there.
I'm ready to go.
I have acquired a few more electronic gadgets to take along. Thanks to a friend, I have a battery charger that plugs into the car which should keep my camera, cell phone and computer operational. I have a light for my forehead. I even have a GPS, although I don't yet know how to use it, but it came with a 90 page instruction booklet. I plan to read up on quiet nights.
I have a AAA triptik, although I probably won't stick to the route.
My suitcases are just about packed, I have a tote full of paint supplies. I have paper and pens, mini recorder, tent, sleeping bag, pillow, cooler, books, a couple bottles of wine, and a bunch of other stuff I think I shall need down the road.
I think I have done all I can do to organize, prepare, maintain, and have things looked after. while I'm gone. I have everything under control. HA! (meaning, sarcastically, yeah, sure I do.)
But you know, this has been done before, although by younger studier sorts. Many people have wandered. They have even written about it. It is just that I have not, at least not alone. And none of the others that I have read about have been old enough to collect social security.
I will be taking with me a couple of eleventh hour unexpected emotions. Last minute glitches and things to catch my attention. I will file these for reference and give them thought, down the road. Too late now, to resolve anything that has not yet been resolved or even to enjoy sudden new interests. These days with cell phones, computers, and fax machines, travelers can pretty much take their business on the road with them, and never be more than a few hours by plane away from home.
Tonight, in my town, is the Biggest Beach Party Ever. There will be music, beer, wine, food, a fire, lots of barefoot people dancing in the sand, and fun, all just down the beach a few blocks. I will be there at sunset, partying with my friends and neighbors. Two mornings after, I'll drive away, looking for whatever I find.
I will head toward Austin, but it may take me a few days to get there.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Fouteen days and counting.......
As I make final preparations to be gone for a while and take my 62 years on the road, I am making clear to me why I choose to take this route (pun intended). It was initially a rather spontaneous decision, to pack up and hack it on my own in strange towns and see what lies out there. I just decided to go. I may be escaping or I may be seeking or I may be doing both.
When I get back to here, to where I began, I will have been divorced for one full year. I still think about it, the divorce and him, more than I want to, I guess because after all, I was married longer than I was not and the divorce was a really big thing for me to do, taking all the courage I could muster to leave and all the strength I had, to deal with the emotions that flowed afterwards. I still get ambushed sometimes, with the bad feelings and regrets for one thing or another. But now the bad feelings are short lived and the regrets are few. I'm doing OK. Life is pretty good. But I want to be able to look back at my married life and be comfortable with it, to see my ex as just someone I once lived with but now I don't. I want that little knot in my stomach to go away for good. That's all.... Its a long road ahead....about 8000 miles, a lot of time to sort things out.
Only one person has really asked me why I want to take such a long trip by myself. But I have discussed it with me just the same, and here are my thoughts, my reasons to travel alone:
To have an adventure and to have fun. I want simply........to have more fun, in spite of all the economic and practical reasons to be more prudent, I want to have more fun!
To challenge myself, to do more than just survive on my own, to live with excitement and purpose. Like the recruitment slogan says, "to be all that I can be."
To allow time to think without the security of familiar things, schedules, responsibilities, chores. (New places + new faces = new ideas?)
To be inspired and, hopefully, to inspire others. To be loud about never being too old or it being too late. There is always more than one way to reach a destination, be that a place on a map or a place in our head.
To have time to travel, paint, write, read, visit with family and friends, experience and appreciate, relax, be peaceful. (I already see a time crunch, here.)
Mostly this. I got divorced. It was a huge decision for both of us. After 39 years of being us, we gave up a lot more than just each other. I would hate to have given up so much without getting something more in return, something better. It is not a question of whether the divorce was the right thing or not, but it was done with the intent to make life better. To be happier. And so that's what has to happen. I'll be taking which ever road will get me there.
I started this whole blog thing with the statement, that my story starts at the end, meaning the end of my marriage. The beginning, I said, comes later. I am now, I think, somewhere in the middle of the beginning.
Mainly I started writing this blog because of the trip, I didn't expect to write so much while still in town and I thought that I might run out of things to say. But, surprise, I've found lots to say. I hope I haven't been boring you, but then again, if you are reading this far, I guess that's a good sign.
When I get back to here, to where I began, I will have been divorced for one full year. I still think about it, the divorce and him, more than I want to, I guess because after all, I was married longer than I was not and the divorce was a really big thing for me to do, taking all the courage I could muster to leave and all the strength I had, to deal with the emotions that flowed afterwards. I still get ambushed sometimes, with the bad feelings and regrets for one thing or another. But now the bad feelings are short lived and the regrets are few. I'm doing OK. Life is pretty good. But I want to be able to look back at my married life and be comfortable with it, to see my ex as just someone I once lived with but now I don't. I want that little knot in my stomach to go away for good. That's all.... Its a long road ahead....about 8000 miles, a lot of time to sort things out.
Only one person has really asked me why I want to take such a long trip by myself. But I have discussed it with me just the same, and here are my thoughts, my reasons to travel alone:
To have an adventure and to have fun. I want simply........to have more fun, in spite of all the economic and practical reasons to be more prudent, I want to have more fun!
To challenge myself, to do more than just survive on my own, to live with excitement and purpose. Like the recruitment slogan says, "to be all that I can be."
To allow time to think without the security of familiar things, schedules, responsibilities, chores. (New places + new faces = new ideas?)
To be inspired and, hopefully, to inspire others. To be loud about never being too old or it being too late. There is always more than one way to reach a destination, be that a place on a map or a place in our head.
To have time to travel, paint, write, read, visit with family and friends, experience and appreciate, relax, be peaceful. (I already see a time crunch, here.)
Mostly this. I got divorced. It was a huge decision for both of us. After 39 years of being us, we gave up a lot more than just each other. I would hate to have given up so much without getting something more in return, something better. It is not a question of whether the divorce was the right thing or not, but it was done with the intent to make life better. To be happier. And so that's what has to happen. I'll be taking which ever road will get me there.
I started this whole blog thing with the statement, that my story starts at the end, meaning the end of my marriage. The beginning, I said, comes later. I am now, I think, somewhere in the middle of the beginning.
Mainly I started writing this blog because of the trip, I didn't expect to write so much while still in town and I thought that I might run out of things to say. But, surprise, I've found lots to say. I hope I haven't been boring you, but then again, if you are reading this far, I guess that's a good sign.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
If you spent it, its gone, if you saved it, its half gone!
Its true that for those of us who were good at saving for most of our lives we are feeling a bit cheated lately, watching our SEPPs and our IRAs diminish through no fault of our own. We put the money in our accounts and watched them grow and felt comfortable and secure thinking about retirement. Then BAM! The economy went sour and so did our savings. Not Fair!
Add to all that my recent divorce after which my net worth was suddenly only half of what it was one day before the final decree and whoa.....panic city!
So here I sit, as do so many others, with less money saved than I had last year. I can't sell property because no one is buying. Jobs are few and far between, and at 62, I really don't want a job anyway. Everything except fresh air is getting more expensive. Taxes, insurance, and health care, oh my! Thinking about it makes my head hurt.
Exactly what are we supposed to be doing about it, about our futures, about our nows?
Complaining hasn't helped, because Lord knows we've tried that. What else is there to do? And when will "things" turn around? How long before the economy is healthy again? How long do we have to hang on? One year? Two? five?
I'm thinking I will just ignore the whole economy debacle and go on as if everything is fine. I'll pretend. Easy to say as long as one has some sort of income, which I do. (Rental property investments and a little social security check.) It's enough. I won't be going to Europe to live in a Tuscan villa, but its enough to take a long road trip. I may have to bypass the Hilton for the Holiday Inn Express and set my tent up occasionally, preferably on a grassy site overlooking a quiet wise old river, but I'll manage. In fact, I expect to do better than just manage, I expect to have a lot of fun!
I expect to live well on less, to have enough to be happy. To live a little more simply, but to do the things that I really really want to do. No pie in the sky, but maybe a scoop of chocolate raspberry ice cream at the Cold Stone Creamery.
I hope to get better at this way of thinking and living. Do they teach a course on this at the adult education center? Is attitude really 90% and circumstance 10%? I hope so.
Add to all that my recent divorce after which my net worth was suddenly only half of what it was one day before the final decree and whoa.....panic city!
So here I sit, as do so many others, with less money saved than I had last year. I can't sell property because no one is buying. Jobs are few and far between, and at 62, I really don't want a job anyway. Everything except fresh air is getting more expensive. Taxes, insurance, and health care, oh my! Thinking about it makes my head hurt.
Exactly what are we supposed to be doing about it, about our futures, about our nows?
Complaining hasn't helped, because Lord knows we've tried that. What else is there to do? And when will "things" turn around? How long before the economy is healthy again? How long do we have to hang on? One year? Two? five?
I'm thinking I will just ignore the whole economy debacle and go on as if everything is fine. I'll pretend. Easy to say as long as one has some sort of income, which I do. (Rental property investments and a little social security check.) It's enough. I won't be going to Europe to live in a Tuscan villa, but its enough to take a long road trip. I may have to bypass the Hilton for the Holiday Inn Express and set my tent up occasionally, preferably on a grassy site overlooking a quiet wise old river, but I'll manage. In fact, I expect to do better than just manage, I expect to have a lot of fun!
I expect to live well on less, to have enough to be happy. To live a little more simply, but to do the things that I really really want to do. No pie in the sky, but maybe a scoop of chocolate raspberry ice cream at the Cold Stone Creamery.
I hope to get better at this way of thinking and living. Do they teach a course on this at the adult education center? Is attitude really 90% and circumstance 10%? I hope so.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Not Enough Time and Not Enough Money
As I plan my escape it has become apparent to me that there isn't enough time to go around.
I haven't met anyone recently who has enough of it. They say, "I don't have time," or "Time got the best of me," or "If I can find the time." You would think that we all have as much as anyone ever had (even more), but that doesn't seem to be the case. Much like money to pay our mortgages, we just haven't enough! And to further confuse the issue, consider all the time saving devices that have become a part of our lives. We haven't saved enough time at all. We are running short. The government has been concentrating on saving and making money, but are neglecting an equally great need. We, as a country, need more time!
It's stressing us out!
What happened to it? Where has it gone? It's like all the money we (meaning, society as a whole) used to have, but now don't. Where did it go? Who has it? How do we get it back?
When it comes to my road trip, people say, "I wish I had the time to do that." It seems to me that they have just as much time as I do (or am I missing something here) and it's just a matter of choosing where to spend it. I am choosing to spend my precious time and money traveling while everyone else seems to be saving theirs for, or spending theirs on, something else.
It has always seemed to me that time and money are inversely related. We can make the time or make the money, but not both. If we choose to make the money, then we don't have the time to do the things we want to do. And If we choose to make the time, then we don't have the money. Either way, something is lacking and travel isn't happening.
But I will be traveling. I simply decided to do it. I will make time and I will find money. Or find time and make money! Either way, same thing. I am really confident that I can do both. You'll see.
So what will you all say then? You don't have the time! Hogwash! You don't have the money! Poppycock! You do and you can. But you have to decide to.
I haven't met anyone recently who has enough of it. They say, "I don't have time," or "Time got the best of me," or "If I can find the time." You would think that we all have as much as anyone ever had (even more), but that doesn't seem to be the case. Much like money to pay our mortgages, we just haven't enough! And to further confuse the issue, consider all the time saving devices that have become a part of our lives. We haven't saved enough time at all. We are running short. The government has been concentrating on saving and making money, but are neglecting an equally great need. We, as a country, need more time!
It's stressing us out!
What happened to it? Where has it gone? It's like all the money we (meaning, society as a whole) used to have, but now don't. Where did it go? Who has it? How do we get it back?
When it comes to my road trip, people say, "I wish I had the time to do that." It seems to me that they have just as much time as I do (or am I missing something here) and it's just a matter of choosing where to spend it. I am choosing to spend my precious time and money traveling while everyone else seems to be saving theirs for, or spending theirs on, something else.
It has always seemed to me that time and money are inversely related. We can make the time or make the money, but not both. If we choose to make the money, then we don't have the time to do the things we want to do. And If we choose to make the time, then we don't have the money. Either way, something is lacking and travel isn't happening.
But I will be traveling. I simply decided to do it. I will make time and I will find money. Or find time and make money! Either way, same thing. I am really confident that I can do both. You'll see.
So what will you all say then? You don't have the time! Hogwash! You don't have the money! Poppycock! You do and you can. But you have to decide to.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Traveling Solo
I don’t have to ignore the urge to travel anymore. The circumstances that got in the way before simply aren’t there. There is no longer a husband to stay home for or to feel guilty about leaving behind. I no longer am running a Bed and Breakfast, but rather subsist on 6 annual rentals which do not require my day to day presence. I traded in the old gas guzzling pickup truck for a new economical Honda Fit. And even more important than these reasons, I no longer seem to have the feeling that I shouldn’t be spending the money. (When times get tough, the tough get going……or something like that!)
Traveling alone has been a fantasy I have held for quite some time. And once I got past the fear of loneliness, vulnerability, flat tires, and getting lost, the thought of being “out there” on my own, has turned into excitement and suspense!
Without someone else to consult and without their wellbeing, wants, dislikes, rhythms and expectations to contend with, solo travel should be easier in some ways. I get to go where I want, when I want, and have only my own comfort level to satisfy. I’ll eat when I’m hungry and stop when I need a break. I’ll choose my own direction. I’ll be able to wander and walk and sit as the spirit moves me without regard for another’s energy or lack there of. Jealous? In any case, I will let you know if this idealized vision of solo travel will indeed be the case.
I am neither particularly brave nor foolish. Although now, 8 months after the final divorce decree, I am pleased to find that the perpetual knot in my stomach has subsided (for the most part) and I seem to be dealing with day to day issues and problems with a degree of competence. Only a few months ago, I wasn’t sure that I could make it on my own, in life I mean, but I have and I now feel reasonably sure that I will. This new found confidence hopefully will serve me well down the road.
Men may be better at heading out on their own, having been raised, I think, to be more independent, strong, taught to kill spiders and go into bars by themselves. They seem to intuitively know how to change a tire or read a GPS. Women are raised to make a home and be protected by their man! At least my generation of women were.
So we will see how it goes for this newly divorced grandma.
Consider this: This past week, enjoying an excursion with friends, our small craft, having drifted too close to shore and the overhanging branches, was suddenly inundated with what seemed like a million long legged spiders crawling everywhere. I want you to know that I didn’t abandon ship. I killed at least a few dozen of those critters with a flip-flop. Woohoo!
Traveling alone has been a fantasy I have held for quite some time. And once I got past the fear of loneliness, vulnerability, flat tires, and getting lost, the thought of being “out there” on my own, has turned into excitement and suspense!
Without someone else to consult and without their wellbeing, wants, dislikes, rhythms and expectations to contend with, solo travel should be easier in some ways. I get to go where I want, when I want, and have only my own comfort level to satisfy. I’ll eat when I’m hungry and stop when I need a break. I’ll choose my own direction. I’ll be able to wander and walk and sit as the spirit moves me without regard for another’s energy or lack there of. Jealous? In any case, I will let you know if this idealized vision of solo travel will indeed be the case.
I am neither particularly brave nor foolish. Although now, 8 months after the final divorce decree, I am pleased to find that the perpetual knot in my stomach has subsided (for the most part) and I seem to be dealing with day to day issues and problems with a degree of competence. Only a few months ago, I wasn’t sure that I could make it on my own, in life I mean, but I have and I now feel reasonably sure that I will. This new found confidence hopefully will serve me well down the road.
Men may be better at heading out on their own, having been raised, I think, to be more independent, strong, taught to kill spiders and go into bars by themselves. They seem to intuitively know how to change a tire or read a GPS. Women are raised to make a home and be protected by their man! At least my generation of women were.
So we will see how it goes for this newly divorced grandma.
Consider this: This past week, enjoying an excursion with friends, our small craft, having drifted too close to shore and the overhanging branches, was suddenly inundated with what seemed like a million long legged spiders crawling everywhere. I want you to know that I didn’t abandon ship. I killed at least a few dozen of those critters with a flip-flop. Woohoo!
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