Love, Time, Money, Cancer, Life

Here is what I know about cancer so far. It takes up a lot of one's time. It also takes up a lot of one's mind. Right now, in one way or another, it is my life.

There is the obvious, which is the therapy, which involves a lot of money and some of my time. But more time is taken up with doctor visits, cell blood counts and shots to allow the chemotherapy. Then there is my complementary therapy that I, myself, choose to help rid my body of those nasty cells. My personal belief is that it will help. It involves walking a couple of miles every day, preferably in the sunshine and barefoot part of the time, drinking a lot of water, eating a lot of raw vegetables which are time consuming to prepare, and time for guided imagery or meditation, or relaxation. Also needed is time to read up and learn more about all these therapies. Oh, and then there is time needed to navigate insurance issues and payment plans, foundations and other money issues. Oh and it took me three hours to find a wig to cover my balding head. And talk to people who know things. And blog. I am writing this in a hurry so I can go to sleep.....I need time for that too.

Making time is difficult. I now get why cancer patients need help. I though, at the beginning, it wouldn't be so bad, that I could still get things done, I was wrong......again. The apartment is showing signs of neglect.

I suppose there are issues for everyone undergoing Chemo (I really hate the sound of that word. They ought to just call it taking IV medication) and there were white blood cell count issues for me that have delayed my IV meds (!) and consequently slowed the whole recovery process down.

I just changed doctors. A tough decision, but made. A costly decision too, but made. I am flying by the seat of my pants, at it were, praying that the universe is guiding my decisions because I really don't have a lot of reason for some of the decisions I am making other then it feels like the right way to go. I just have to have faith that I am being guided. I have to have faith too that the doctor is doing the right thing.

My hair is falling out. I know that is really a small price to pay for recovery, but it is something strange and unexperienced to deal with. I went out and bought a red wig (my hair has been blond for the last ten years or so and brunette before that.) I thought I might as well go with something different.

Time to relax, meditate, or read isn't happening as I hoped it would. But I am still trying to work it in. I am learning and learning and learning and trying and looking to the universe for whatever will direct my journey.

And now I really need to sleep.

Love, Jan